Drama

Drama.  Everybody claims to hate it.  And yet, there are plenty of people who seem to love it.  To live it.  To create it.  To thrive off of it.

Dramatic people are really looking for one main thing:  a reaction.  They are seeking to bring something out of the people who they infect.  And when we give in by giving them their reaction, they win.  And, what's worse is that we become dramatic people as well.


I love (note the sarcasm here:  I really hate it) to see people post things on social networking sites that say things like, "Is your drama going to have an intermission soon?  I need a bathroom break."  They usually also post about the importance of positivity as opposed to drama.  And yet, those rude comments about dramatic people are not positive themselves.  What do people who write things like this trying to accomplish?  In reality, a snarky, sarcastic, rude statement like that is drama.  And if you say that to someone who you deem to be "dramatic," they are going to react with drama.  It's inevitable. 

If you really want to put an end to drama, than just be positive.  Don't tell people how bad they are for being dramatic, because that is drama. 

Yes, I realize the irony, that I am here writing about the negativity that is drama, while I am breaking my own rules.  And, I guess, in that way, I am also a dramatic person myself.  In fact, I am dramatic in a lot of ways.  One time a person told me that "[I] am a negative person and [I] make others negative, too."  That was a horrible thing to say to a negative person, and, well, if I'm being totally honest here, I never really did get over that one.  But that doesn't mean that I am going to post time and time again the things that people do that are dramatic.  I am not going to continuously complain about how stupid drama is, or about the people who participate in it.  This post is a one-time thing. 

The Bible is full of Scripture about the importance of positive thinking.  Whenever you're feeling the need to be dramatic, to complain about others, to tear down others or gossip, try calling to mind one of these Scripture passages and taking their advice.

Women's Wednesday - Confidence

You either have it or you don't.  If you have it, good for you!  If you don't have it, getting it can be a real struggle.  You can pretend to have it, but that often only leads to having less of it.  You can celebrate the fact that you don't have it, but if you do that, chances are that you actually have more of it than you think.  And then there's those people who have too much of it, or have it in areas where it doesn't belong.  What is it?  Confidence.

Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities that a person can have, but, unfortunately, you can't just force it upon yourself.  The more you try to force it, the less you seem to have it.

I had a friend who was extremely confident.  As confidence is something that I tend to struggle with, I really looked up to her.  She was beautiful, smart, successful, and someone who people really felt comfortable with.  I tended to feel more confident just by being around her.

 But I have also had friends who lacked self awareness in an extreme way.  These are people who have confidence where they shouldn't have confidence.  For instance, people who are know-it-alls about certain areas of life, but who, after talking with them, I learn that they really have no idea what they are talking about.  People who don't take correction, even when they desperately need to be corrected.

Correcting problems of confidence is impossible without an open mind.  No, that's not an exaggeration.  It is impossible.  If you aren't willing to try the things that create confidence, you aren't going to obtain it.  There is no way.  Why?  Because confidence is not something that anybody can give you.  Nobody can force confidence upon you.  It is something that you have to give yourself.  And it's one of the greatest gifts you can possibly give.

So, my question for you is:  are you ready to be confident?

I don't have all the answers.  I have just come to the realization that I am worth it.  That I desire confidence enough to do something about it.  That only I can give it to myself.  So here is what I'm doing about it.

7 - Have fun.  Schedule it into your day.  Every.  Single.  Day.  That may seem weird:  "What are you doing today at 10:00 am?"  "I'm having fun."  Seriously, though, schedule it!  At least until it becomes a regular part of your life.  Fun doesn't have to mean anything extreme.  I think that our culture tries to define "fun" in certain terms, but those terms aren't good.  There are multiple ways to have fun, and as far as I'm concerned, drunkenness isn't one of them.  Partying isn't one of them.  Fun can be as simple as painting a picture (especially if you aren't a talented painter!  It could be fun to just splash paint around and see what you get), or having karaoke night with your roommate using Youtube.  Just remember to keep it simple!  People who have more fun tend to have more confidence!
6 -  Smile more.  Even if you don't mean it.  But DON'T be one of those people who feels sorry for themselves for smiling even though they are breaking on the inside.  If you don't mean it, say a prayer that eventually you will mean it. 
5 - Notice the good around you. Notice the good in others.  If you start practicing noticing the good in others, you will naturally start noticing the good in yourself.  At least, it will become part of your habit, which will seem more natural when you start to make the shift towards yourself.
4 - Be someone worth having confidence in.  This doesn't mean "be beautiful," although that is a good way to be.  But make good, pure, holy choices.  Read books, listen to music and watch shows that fill your mind with good, pure and holy thoughts.  
3 - Accept compliments from others. Don't let yourself believe that they are lying just to be fake or mean.  If they are doing that, than so what?  You can still accept their compliment.  They don't have to mean it for it to be true.
2 - Tell yourself your worth.  I know that it's difficult to admit the good in ourselves.  It seems like an arrogant way to be.  But just because it seems that way doesn't mean that it is true.  It's not arrogant to recognize God's good works.  It gives Him glory.  In fact, I would go so far as to say it's sinful to not recognize His good works in ourselves.  Those good works could be about our looks, intelligence, humor, musical gifts, artistic gifts, kindness, compassion, friendship, loyalty, etc.  If there's something good in you, than God put it there.  He created it in you.  Identify those things and use them to bring Him glory.
1 - Let God tell you your worth.  He made you.  He knows it.  If you hear the voice that says that there is nothing worthy in you, than recognize that it is Satan who is saying that to you, and that he is nobody/nothing, and that you don't have to listen to or believe his lies.  

Tithing Time

It's a pretty simple concept, actually.  God asks us to give us 10% of everything we have.  Today, we take that to mean material things.  And that, of course, is correct.  We do have a duty to give back to God what rightfully belongs to Him.  Nothing that we "own" is really ours.  It belongs, first and foremost, to God.  If God didn't allow our things to exist, they wouldn't exist.  It's as simple as that. He provides for us in amazing ways that we don't quickly recognize.  Giving back to God is a good and grateful way to be.

It is correct to give our things back to God.  But it's not the only way to give back to Him.  For the last several years, I have been "attempting" at thing that I called "tithing time."  It's as simple as it sounds.  God gives me the time that I have in the world, so I try to give Him His time back.  10% of His time, in fact.

Tithing time is a lot more difficult than I originally thought when I first came up with this idea.  But if the day is split up into 24 hours, than that means 2.4 hours a day back to God.  Not easy, but possible.

How do I do it?  Prayer, of course.  All different types of prayer:  rosary, contemplation, meditation, etc.  I read scripture and Catholic books (I choose one a month to go through, usually by the Saints).  I attend daily Mass.

While I wouldn't say that I have truly given 2.4 hours a day, I have definitely made a huge effort to complete this task once I dedicated myself to it.

I encourage you to think about your day.  How much time do you spend with God?  It's interesting, but if I really break down my day, and see how much time I spend doing other things, it really shows where my priorities lie.  For instance, I have no problem spending 2.4 hours a day watching TV, goofing off on Pinterest, or working out.  And yet, my time with God is much less.  But seriously, how difficult is it to just pray?  When I feel like I have to pray, I know two things:  1 - that I must really need to pray, and 2 - that my priorities are extremely wrong.  Rarely do I feel like I have to watch TV, unless it's something boring that I feel like I must watch even though I don't want to (like the State of the Union Address, which is a chore for me).  Praying is something that we should out of love, because we desire prayer.  And when it becomes a chore, there is something wrong.

Now, just because it can become a chore doesn't mean that we shouldn't do it.  In fact, it is when it becomes a chore that we should really do it.  Taking my medicine each morning is a real chore for me sometimes, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't do it.  Sometimes chores are necessary.  Prayer is that way.  It is necessary.  No, I don't mean that as an exaggeration.  It is necessary.  And the weird thing with prayer is that the more you do it, the less of a chore it becomes.  Gradually, over time, one who prays a lot will grow to love it.

Two days ago marked the beginning of the Season of Lent, and it is during this season that we should grow in prayer.  I encourage you to start tithing your time, especially during this season.  At first, put it in your schedule.  It doesn't have to be 2.4 hours all in one sitting.  In fact, carving out multiple times throughout your day to pray is probably better, since it will bring Him to your attention constantly throughout the day.

And remember, how much time you spend doing a thing indicates where your priorities lie.  Let God be your first priority, and you'll find that your life is blessed.  

What I Get Out of Lent (vs. What I Give Up)

It has taken me years to fully buy into the idea that Ash Wednesday (and Lent in general for that matter) is good.  I have hated fasting, and for the longest time, I never really understood it.  Until about seven years ago.  And I'll admit that from time-to-time, I slip back into my old habits, believing that fasting is a chore.  As long as I snap myself out of it and turn my attitude around, I'm doing ok. Since that is what people mainly think of when they think of Lent, that became my only focus...what I'm giving up.  I never really focused on what I was gaining during the season of Lent.  When I shifted my attention to that, everything changed!

Fasting

Fasting is not just some thing that we Catholics invented.  In fact, if you look at any number of the fad diets that are going on these days, many of them promote the idea of fasting.  So why, when the Church tells us to fast for one day, do we freak out?

Well, simple.  People don't like being told what to do.  People don't like to suffer.  And most importantly, people don't like being told to suffer.  It's a vicious cycle.

But fasting is important. We need to purge ourselves of the toxins in our lives.  I get all judgmental and on my high horse (no, I'm not bragging about that, but it's the truth) when I hear people talk about giving up soda or chocolate for Lent.  It makes me crazy.  It's not that those things are wrong or bad to give up, I just wonder about how those people are experiencing spiritual development because of their sacrifice. Is this for the sake of spiritual development, or to lose a few pounds?  Let me tell you, and this I know for certain:  if you are completing your lenten sacrifice in order to lose weight, you're doing it wrong!

That's right.  I said it.  If you are contributing to your own, personal, vanity by making your Lenten Sacrifice about food, than it's not a Lenten Sacrifice.  In fact, it's the exact opposite of that.  It's actually contributing to your sinfulness by focusing your attention on yourself.  Vanity is sinful.

Ok, so don't go out and say that you are giving up vanity for Lent, and therefore, you are going to eat a ton of food all through Lent and gain a lot of weight, either.  Remember, gluttony is a sin, too.

But giving up vanity is a good thing for Lent.  For girls that might mean giving up their mascara, or all makeup in general.  For guys it might mean...well...I'm clueless about guys.  I don't know what they could give up, but I know that there are things that they could give up, in order to give up vanity for lent.

The big question to ask yourself is:  "where is my sinfulness?"  To do that in prayer, asking God to give you the answer is best.  And trust me, He will give you the answer.  If you struggle with vanity, give up something that you do because of vanity.  If you struggle with purity, focus your attention on fixing that sin.  Maybe you could give up using your computer in private, so you don't face the temptation to look at bad things.  There are a number of ways you could go.  Do you struggle with pride?  With greed?  With anger?  With jealousy?  Look closely at your sinfulness, and chose your sacrifice that way.  It's the best way to go.

Prayer

Ok, so we've covered fasting, which is the most talked about aspect of Lent, but what about prayer and almsgiving?  These are both important, too.

Prayer, of course, is something that is vital to our lives.  I think that people don't give enough time to prayer because they don't always see the fruits of their prayers.  But if we could really see how effective our prayers are, we would never stop praying.  There is nothing more important than prayer.  Focus on prayer this Lent.  Really find a way to add it to your routine:  a rosary in the morning to start your day, 15 minutes of silent prayer during lunch, a Divine Mercy Chaplet in the afternoon, and 15 more minutes of silent prayer at the end of the day.  Focus on prayers of praise.  Love God with all your heart, and tell Him about His good works!  Spend time loving God!

Alms Giving

I have heard of a lot of really great things that people have done for Alms Giving during Lent.  From writing letters daily to people in their lives in order to help them to see how loved they are, to giving money to the needy (especially those who give up spending money during Lent), to various service projects.  You know, we fast in order to get rid of something in our lives that causes us to sin, but we also add something that causes us to love.

What I GET OUT OF Lent (vs. what I give up)

There is one thing that I have discovered that I truly get out of Lent.  One thing that is important, good, amazing and important.  That main thing is freedom.  Yes, I get healing, I get endurance, I get all kinds of good things.  But my favorite is freedom.  With freedom, I

Changing Church Teaching

Being Catholic sure isn't easy these days, is it?  So many people are so against the teachings of the Church.  And, granted, to be fair, we haven't always done a great job of promoting, teaching, living or proving our values and beliefs in correct or holy ways.  That is a sad truth that I will admit to having done myself.  I am not proud of the fact that I have been hypocritical.  I have been angry and acted as such.  I have (ACCIDENTALLY and UNKNOWINGLY) said things that go against Church teaching (especially in my younger days).  And, sadly, I will probably do all of these things again.

However, flawed as Catholics are (like any group is perfect), the fact that we are flawed is no reason to change Church teaching.  It frustrates me that people, Catholics included, are so vocal about this topic.

Asking the Pope to change Church teaching is like asking a scientist to change the law of gravity.  "I do't really like gravity," one might say.  "Please go ahead and change the law of gravity, so that I can fly around at will.  I don't really enjoy being tied down to the Earth."  This, of course, is ludicrous.   And yet, asking the Pope and the Bishops to change Church teaching isn't ludicrous to most people.

See, science didn't invent the law of gravity.  It simply recognizes the law.  But we can't change nature.  Nor should we!  Could you imagine the consequences of such an action!  We'd lose our atmosphere and, therefore, all of human life.  All life. And that'd be the smallest consequence of them all!

A misunderstanding that people have regarding the Church is that it contains our laws that we have created.  But that is not the case.  They aren't the Pope's laws.  They are God's laws.  And if any Pope was ever to "change" the laws of the Church, it would be the same thing as a scientist saying, "Ok, I decided to change the law of gravity.  There is no more gravity."  Well, if he said that and you tried to jump off a cliff, you'd still die.  The scientist can make that claim all he wants, but it doesn't change the reality.

The "rules" of the Church are not my rules, or a priest's rules, or the Pope's rules.  They are God's rules.  And those laws are created and taught so that we don't try to jump off a spiritual cliff, which would lead to our inevitable spiritual deaths. 

Women's Wednesday - The Problem with "No Thank You"

"No thank you."  We women sure are polite when rejecting love.  We have all grown up learning that it is somehow wrong to let people serve us.  The conditioning was more subtle than we realize (hence the word subtle), and yet, it seemed so obvious. But think about it:  how often do we reject compliments?  How often do we reject little acts of kindness?  How often do we accept gifts?  And what are the reasons for our rejection?  That we don't believe compliments.  That we don't want to "put anyone out."  That we don't want to use anyone.  Well, that may be the way you feel, but it's certainly not something that you should act upon.

So many women can't stand the idea of anybody serving them and their needs.  There is a great scene in the oldish movie One Fine Day with George Clooney and Michelle Pfiefer, where she has her hands full of stuff, her young son trailing behind her, and a man tries to help her.  He says, "Let me help you."  She says, "It's okay.  I can get it."  He says back, "No, no. Please, please."   Angry now, she says, "Really! I got it. I got it. Okay, okay. Sweetie, come on."   Quietly, the foreign artist says under his breath, "Stupid American woman."  Her son, Sammy, hears him and say, "That guy called you stupid," to which his mother replies, "Well, I am stupid sometimes, honey, but I'd rather be stupid than sorry. Come on."

This is just one movie scene that depicts this type of thinking.  I'd rather be stupid than sorry.  I'd rather be independent, like Destiny's Child sang about back in the 1990's:

All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me

- Destiny's Child Lyrics "Independent Woman"

Why is it such a bad thing to accept love?   Why is it such a sign of strength to be independent and self sufficient?  People would rather give love than receive it.  But if everybody in the world refused to accept love, than nobody would have anybody to give love.  Love can't just be given.  I has to be received.

We love to over-complicate love.  We love to turn it into something bad, we love to call receiving love "using."  There is such a thing as using, but that looks completely different than love.  That looks mean.  That looks lonely.  The giver will know that they are being used when they recipient isn't grateful for their gifts.  When the person expects gifts.  It is then that the the love turns into sin.  But a person who opens a door for you is just trying to do something nice.  A person who gives you a gift for no reason at all, or buys you a lunch, or lends you their car when you need it, is just trying to love you.

Accepting love is an act of love itself.  I feel so good when I can do something really wonderful for someone.  But if that person doesn't let me do that thing, than I am denied the opportunity to have that good feeling.  Let yourself be loved.

When someone wants to do something for you, some kindness, just say "Thank you," and mean it.  Be grateful, and be loved.  It's about time we started saying "Yes" to true, authentic, real love.

To the Top

I remember my first experience with Eucharistic Adoration very clearly.  I was on a retreat.  It was my first time going on retreat.  I had never even heard of Eucharistic Adoration before.  It was the first retreat that my youth minister ever led as a youth minister, and I was a little high school freshmen, not really sure of what I was getting myself into by attending this retreat.  It was a huge leap of faith for me to go, but I really did want to attend that weekend.

I don't know if the team just failed at giving a clear explanation of what Adoration was all about, or if I just wasn't paying attention, but I thought that it was the strangest experience.  I had no real idea about what was going on.  I didn't understand it, or the reactions that everyone else was having, or the reactions that I was having, but I did understand that what was going on was huge.

So I was a little bit afraid.  I think that was an appropriate reaction, too.  I wasn't afraid in the sense that I believed I was in danger.  And I wouldn't necessarily say that I was in "awe," either.  I just knew that what I was looking at wasn't just a piece of bread in a monstrance.  I knew that Jesus was present, and that His presence meant power.  And power is always scary.

Adoration is still a bit of a scary thing for me.  I am surrounded by people in my life who tend to have very powerful experiences with Adoration, and, well, I am just not one of those people.  But I still have good experiences.

To me, Adoration is a lot like holding a sleeping new born baby.  A baby too small to really do anything on its own.  It can't sit.  It can't talk.  It just sits in my arms, soft, gentle, and asleep.  As I hold that baby, I don't necessarily have to do any action to experience love.  It is through the quiet and the calm that I receive my peace.  It's not because of the words that the baby says, because it says no words.  It is not through its actions or its motivations for those actions.  All that has to happen is that the baby sleeps, and I get the amazing privilege of being with it and holding it during its slumber.  Babies are true miracles.

This is my experience of Adoration.  When I first heard what St. John Vianney said about Adoration:  "I look at him and he looks at me," I was astonished at his description, for his experience was the same as mine.  I'm sure that I experience amazing works from Christ during my time in Adoration, things that aren't obvious in my life.  But I know without a doubt that I look at Jesus, and that He looks at me, and that itself is good.  That, itself, is enough.  Is there anything better than to be truly, purely, perfectly, and gloriously seen by the one you love?  By the one who loves you back?  There is nothing greater.