Women's Wednesday - The Problem with "No Thank You"

"No thank you."  We women sure are polite when rejecting love.  We have all grown up learning that it is somehow wrong to let people serve us.  The conditioning was more subtle than we realize (hence the word subtle), and yet, it seemed so obvious. But think about it:  how often do we reject compliments?  How often do we reject little acts of kindness?  How often do we accept gifts?  And what are the reasons for our rejection?  That we don't believe compliments.  That we don't want to "put anyone out."  That we don't want to use anyone.  Well, that may be the way you feel, but it's certainly not something that you should act upon.

So many women can't stand the idea of anybody serving them and their needs.  There is a great scene in the oldish movie One Fine Day with George Clooney and Michelle Pfiefer, where she has her hands full of stuff, her young son trailing behind her, and a man tries to help her.  He says, "Let me help you."  She says, "It's okay.  I can get it."  He says back, "No, no. Please, please."   Angry now, she says, "Really! I got it. I got it. Okay, okay. Sweetie, come on."   Quietly, the foreign artist says under his breath, "Stupid American woman."  Her son, Sammy, hears him and say, "That guy called you stupid," to which his mother replies, "Well, I am stupid sometimes, honey, but I'd rather be stupid than sorry. Come on."

This is just one movie scene that depicts this type of thinking.  I'd rather be stupid than sorry.  I'd rather be independent, like Destiny's Child sang about back in the 1990's:

All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me

- Destiny's Child Lyrics "Independent Woman"

Why is it such a bad thing to accept love?   Why is it such a sign of strength to be independent and self sufficient?  People would rather give love than receive it.  But if everybody in the world refused to accept love, than nobody would have anybody to give love.  Love can't just be given.  I has to be received.

We love to over-complicate love.  We love to turn it into something bad, we love to call receiving love "using."  There is such a thing as using, but that looks completely different than love.  That looks mean.  That looks lonely.  The giver will know that they are being used when they recipient isn't grateful for their gifts.  When the person expects gifts.  It is then that the the love turns into sin.  But a person who opens a door for you is just trying to do something nice.  A person who gives you a gift for no reason at all, or buys you a lunch, or lends you their car when you need it, is just trying to love you.

Accepting love is an act of love itself.  I feel so good when I can do something really wonderful for someone.  But if that person doesn't let me do that thing, than I am denied the opportunity to have that good feeling.  Let yourself be loved.

When someone wants to do something for you, some kindness, just say "Thank you," and mean it.  Be grateful, and be loved.  It's about time we started saying "Yes" to true, authentic, real love.

Women's Wednesday - Being Single the Right Way

I have (recently) said that being single is not easy, and I stick to that claim.  However, there is a right way to be single and a wrong way.  Believe me, more often than not, I am the wrong kind of single.  So don't go calling my a hypocrite just because I can dish out advice that I'm not great at taking myself.  Like I said before, being single is not easy.

So even though I'm not great at taking my own advice, I am going to give it.  Hopefully, by writing this, it will sink in for me, too, and I will begin to take my own advice!  So, here are my Top Ten ways to be single:

10.  Be pure.  Ok, it seems like this is impossible these days.  It's difficult to not believe the lie that nobody will date you if you want to wait until marriage.  It's like, marriage might be my Vocation, but I'll never get married if I want to stay pure.  So if Vocations are supposed to lead us to holiness, and being impure is not holy, how do we win?  Well, have faith.  If you are going to marry that person, then they will be happy to wait for you.  If they are truly going to bring you to holiness in your marriage, than they should start now, before the marriage, by helping to protect your purity.  If, however, they aren't going to protect your holiness now, than what's going to be so different after those vows are taken?  Not much.  Not much at all.

9.  Have friends.  It sounds obvious, doesn't it?  But too often the reason that a person is single is because they are a work-aholic.  And then they don't have time for friends, either.  Work is good and important and necessary, but God told us to rest for a reason.  If you're lonely while you're single, friendship may not remove the longing for romance, but it will help you to be less lonely in general.  Surround yourself with loved ones.  Have girls who are your friends and guys who are your friends.  There is nothing more attractive than a person who loves. 

8.  Read the Bible.  If you ever start to despair that God won't answer your prayers for a relationship, or that He's forgotten you, than pick up your Bible and open it to pretty much any story with a woman involved (pretty much any story, but not all of them).  God's timing really isn't our timing, and it is obvious in Scripture.  BUT, just because God doesn't give us what we ask for the very second we ask for it, doesn't mean that He's not going to answer our prayers.  It doesn't mean that He has forgotten us.  Read, re-read, re-read again, memorize and remember those stories. 

7.  Pray for your spouse.  I frequently wonder what my spouse is doing "right now."  Where is he?  What is he thinking?  Is he happy?  Is he sad?  Whenever I have those thoughts, I pray for my husband.  I hope that he is praying for me, too.  Pray for your spouse regularly.  Ask God to bless him. 

6.  Pray about things besides your spouse.  Don't forget that there is more than one type of prayer.  And don't forget that there is more than one person who needs prayer.  Don't obsess with just that one prayer, but open your eyes to how good God is to you always.  Praise Him.  Thank Him.  Over prayers of petition for other people.  Ask for His advice for other areas in your life.  Ask God what you can be doing right now to best glorify Him.  Pray for your spouse, but don't limit your spiritual life to that one thing.

5.  Talk about other things than being single.  Like before, don't just talk about how difficult it is being single, how sad you are that you're single, what you're doing to do find someone else, or how nobody is ever going to love you because you're too (fat, stupid, annoying, ugly, pimply, sick, weird, etc).  Nobody wants to sit and listen to you complain about these things all the time.  And nobody wants to listen to you obsess about how great you are at being single.  There's got to be more to you than just the fact that you're single.  Prove it.  Talk about other things.

4.  Watch movies and TV shows, read books and listen to music that will inspire you.  Some movies and songs make me, personally, really sad.  I see these couples who are so cute and perfect (and, therefore, annoying) and I think about how I wish I had those things.  I become jealous of fictional characters.  Yikes!  How ridiculous!  If you finish watching romantic movies feeling sad, it's bad.  If you leave feeling inspired, hopeful, or good, than keep it in your collection!  If it makes you feel that way now, think how much greater it will be once you find your spouse! 

3.  Have an interesting life.  You don't want to meet a really great guy and have absolutely nothing to talk about with him.  I'm not saying that you should just live adventure after adventure after adventure.  It gets boring to listen to people only tell one type of story, or have opinions about one type of thing.  Learn new things.  Do new things.  Experience new things.  And you'll find that this not only makes it easier to meet your spouse, but that you are more fulfilled, too.

2.  Don't do things so that you can meet your spouse.  Do things for yourself.  Don't worry at every concert, lecture, hike, night out at the movies, etc., if you're going to meet someone there.  Go to have fun.  For yourself.  Consciously check yourself before you go, and occasionally while you're there, to see why you're behaving the way that you are.  You don't need a guy by your side to have fun.  That's not a good life.  Just have fun now.

1.  Be joyful.  It's obvious, and not obvious.  But joy is not a feeling.  It's a decision.  It's a lifestyle.  Be someone who sees the good in life.  And that might take practice at first, but if you do it enough, you'll form a habit and it'll come naturally.  Relax.  Don't take things too seriously that don't need to be taken seriously.  Live a life of love, peace and joy, and romance will find you.