Perfectionism a sin?

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?  This is a very interesting question, to which I've heard a lot of people give a variety of answers.  "Sky dive."  "Become a singer."  "Solve the problem of world peace."  "Get married."  These are some of the most intriguing answers I've heard.

Think about it for yourself.  Most of us don't go for the big dreams in our lives because we don't believe in ourselves and our ability to accomplish those things, so we settle for something smaller, but safer.

There was a time in my life when I admired the idea of perfectionism.  I tried to be "a perfectionist," and I really thought that it was a good thing to do.  It was admirable.  Why wouldn't everyone want to try to be perfect?  Haha.  Then I learned.

I remember when I was applying for my first jobs at King Soopers, Elitch's, Build-A-Bear Workshop, saying with seriousness in my interviews that my perfectionism was a strength.  I know that some people use that as their weakness to look better (like, my weakness is that I'm a perfectionist, which is a really insincere way of answering the question because it's really just a way to show of a perceived "strength").  But seriously, it IS a weakness, and it's a very dangerous one.

How could perfectionism be bad?  How could it even be sinful?  After all, aren't we told in scripture to "be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew 5:48).  If the Bible tells us to do something, could that thing ever be a sin?  

I haven't met any people who are actually perfect.  I have, however, met many people who are perfectionists.  Obviously, there is a difference between the two things.  

Perfectionism stops us from doing things.  It's about the pride of being able to say that "I did it perfectly."  It is a voice that says, "if you can't do it perfectly, don't do it at all."  It's what stops us from trying out for the play, asking that girl out, or praying.  Yep.  People are so afraid that if they don't pray perfectly, it's not worth it at all.

Jesus doesn't want us to be so wrapped up with doing things perfectly that we are too afraid to ever do anything at all.  In fact, He wants us to be brave.  To know that, while we might not achieve perfection, we did something worthwhile.  We trusted Him, and He took care of us.  If we are doing what God asks from us, whether it's world-changing work, or working to change the world of a friend, we may not do it perfectly, but we can trust that God will fill in the gaps.  Because He IS perfect.  And He IS good.

GK Chesterton says, "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly."  If God is calling you to it, if it's a good thing to do, it's worth doing, even if you can't do it perfectly.  Even if you can't do it well.  God wants your obedience, not your perfection.

Live your faith.  Pray.  Read the Bible.  Preach the Gospel.  Do your schoolwork.  Try out for the team.  Ask the girl out.  If it's what God wants, it doesn't have to be perfect.  Be brave, even if you aren't perfectly brave.

Spiritual Inertia

It's scientific.  An object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object at rest tends to stay at rest.  It's a law of science called inertia.

 

Physics has never been my strong suit, but this was something that made sense to me.  An object that is sitting still isn't going to start moving unless something happens to it.  There has to be a change.  A pencil sitting on a desk isn't going to move on its own.  The desk needs to fall.  The wind needs to blow.  A person needs to pick it up.  It's going to take another action, and that action is going to require energy. 

This may be a law of physics, but it seems to be a spiritual law as well.  For so much of this year, many of us have been at rest.  Rest is a good thing when it is a good thing.  We require rest.  However, most of us have not been experiencing a refreshing rest.  Sadly, most of us have been experiencing sloth.  We are still.  We are stuck.  Getting us to move is going to take a LOT of energy.

Please don't misunderstand.  I'm not accusing.  Well, I suppose I might be.  But I can accuse because I understand it so well because I am in the exact same boat.  The lazier I become, the more lazy I get.  It spirals.  

I know that when I have experienced a very fruitful and productive spiritual life, laziness is not attractive.  It's harder to settle down.  Why?  Inertia.  An object in motion tends to stay in motion.

But this year, my body has been less active.  My brain has been less active.  My soul has been less active.  It's getting harder and harder to move.  An object at rest tends to stay at rest.

 

Right now, it's hard to get active, but it's a fight that we really need to have.  Remember, "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).  Ask God to give you the strength to get back to Church, to go to Reconciliation, to attend Youth Ministry, to read your Bible, to pray your rosary.  Get started.  Do the work.  You'll be glad you did.  

 

 

Back-to-School Blues

"I can't believe school is already starting again!"  How many times have you heard these words recently?  I'm not even in school, and I have heard these words more times than I care to count.  And yet, the truth is, I can't believe that school is starting again already!  Where does time actually go?

I saw a funny meme, which I searched and searched and searched for but can't find!  It basically said, "Here's a list of all of the awesome things I did this summer:  work." 

It's hard not to get the blues at the end of summer break, even us adults who don't have an actual summer break get the end of summer blues.  Summer is just such a wonderful time to rest, relax, play, and be in nature.  These things are good for our bodies and our souls.

Starting the school year off on a positive note is a really important thing to do in order to succeed.  Part of starting the school year off well isn't just getting good sleep, staying on top of your homework, and all that practical stuff.  It's spiritual as well.  Start your school year off dedicating time to prayer, to Reconciliation and Mass, and to living out your faith.  Whenever there is a new beginning (a new year, a birthday, the start of a school year), it's good to reflect on the changes that need to happen in order to make whatever you're doing the best that it can be. 

Starting out strong will help you take away some of the blues and give you a sense of purpose and enthusiasm.

Injuries

When I was a kid, I was told by my doctor that I couldn't play contact sports because I was "too easily breakable."  That was my official diagnosis.  It just didn't seem very scientific to me.  Sure, I had a lot of injuries as a kid, lots of broken bones and stitches and stuff, but I always just assumed that those things were caused by the fact that I was a very active kid.  And clumsy.  It's not like my bones just broke for no reason.  They broke because I fell off a slide, or off a clothesline pole, or off a fence, or while roller skating, or while falling off the tire swing.  People get hurt from things like that.

My doctor did approve of me doing sports that were a little easier on my body, like swimming and track.

As I got older, I really fell in love with those sports, and continued to participate in running, specifically.  But this weird thing kept happening...I kept getting hurt.

I always gave an explanation for my injuries...I did too much too fast, or I didn't stretch enough, or I ran when it was too cold outside.  It was not exactly shocking that I got injured often, since I didn't take the best care of myself.

Until I started to take better care of myself, and I still kept getting injured.  All the time.  I started slower.  I included weight training.  I included stretching.  I didn't run outside when it was really cold or icy.

Earlier this year I decided to get it really checked out, and I went to a good chiropractor who actually took X-Rays and discovered that I have some unique problems with my spine and my pelvis.  I'll probably end up getting surgery some day for them.  This is why I keep getting hurt.  My doctor told me the bad news, I could never be a long distance runner without being injured.  I could still be a distance runner for now, but I'd definitely get hurt doing it.

This was rather freeing news for me, actually.  At least I could now focus on finding an exercise that would be beneficial for me.  Now I could focus on something new and moving on.  So I started CrossFit.

I know!  I know!  CrossFit is SO hard on your body!  I was planning on being really careful and just seeing how it went.  Turns out, I LOVED it!  It was fun.  It was challenging.  It made me feel so good.  I was hooked immediately.

Until I got hurt.

I would have been ok if my back was what got hurt.  I would have expected that.  Or if my legs were hurt.  Obviously there is a lot of leg work.  Or my shoulders.  You use your shoulders a ton in CrossFit.  One of the coaches even warned me about how people can get some pretty serious rib injuries from it (I wasn't expecting that, but after she told me, I wouldn't have been surprised for it to happen).  But that's not how I got hurt!

For me, it was my arms.  Not my upper arms, either.  My lower arms.  Between my elbows and my wrists.  On BOTH arms!

For more than a week my arms have been in a LOT of pain.  I haven't been able to use them much or well.  I felt like Uncle Jesse in Full House when he breaks both of his arms.  I couldn't do anything.

It turns out, I actually am too easily breakable.  My childhood diagnosis remains into adulthood.  My body just doesn't like sports.

It's super disappointing.  Obviously it's annoying that I'm injured again.  But it's frustrating that I love sports but just can't do them because my body won't let me.

That doesn't mean I'm going to give up.  I'll probably try a lot more things.  I loved swimming when I was in high school.  I could give it a try again.  I could try spin classes.  I could try rock climbing (which would then also help with my fear of heights.  Either that or I'd just get stuck someplace and never be able to get down).  There are a lot of things that I can try.  And I will.

Our bodies are good, but they are constantly reminding us that we live in a fallen world.  Someday, should I make it to heaven, I will get my body back, and it won't have limitations like "being too easily breakable."  I won't have to work so hard to workout (it's a lot of work trying all these new things to discover what my body will allow me to do).  I also won't have a need to workout.   Whatever ailments you experience with your body, whether it's something small like allergies (which, let's be honest, if you suffer from allergies you know that it doesn't feel small), or being "too easily breakable," or something big like a disease or disability, take heart in knowing that this isn't what God wants for you.  This isn't actually how He created you.  He created you perfect.  The way we are created is not the same as the way we were born.

Have peace knowing that the problems with your body do not come from God, but you can use them to give glory to God anyway.  This fallen world can't take that away from you!  Give Him glory now, and you will get to forever more in Heaven, with a body that actually works the way God intended it to!

On being a snob

I was recently talking with an old friend who I very rarely see.  Actually, the funny thing is that I see him ALL THE TIME, but I never spend time with him.  He lives about two miles away from me but on the same street.  I see him driving all the time.  For a while, I'd see him daily, driving east while I was driving west.  We must have had the exact same schedule that week or something.  It's weird.

Anyway, a mutual friend's dad passed away recently, and the funeral was at the church where I work.  After the funeral, he stopped by to say hi.  I told him hi, and we chatted for a while.  I told him that I thought that it was funny because I see him all over the place.  He told me that he saw me at a restaurant recently, but he didn't say hi.  That's fair, I guess.  I mean, I don't say hi to him when I see him driving the opposite direction that I am going on a fairly busy street (seriously, though, I'm only being passive-aggressive as a joke here.  There actually are no hard feelings.  I was having a bad day the day that he says he saw me, and I probably wouldn't have been super excited about chit chatting anyway).

This guy is kind of a food-snob.  He comes from a family that emphasizes food a lot.  It's a big part of their family life.  His mom is an incredible cook, and he grew up eating only high quality foods!  He has been truly blessed in that area, more so than most.  It makes sense that a love for good food grew so strong in him given his upbringing.  He also works in the food industry.  He owns a food truck (this is how I see him driving all over the place.  I see his food truck and sure enough, it's always him driving it).  While we were chatting after our friend's dad's funeral, he mentioned that he saw me at a restaurant (as I previously mentioned), and he said something along the lines of, "I did not want to go to that restaurant.  The people I was with made me.  Their food is terrible."  I remember feeling very defensive when he said this to me.  He did apologize, basically to rub it in that he's a snob about food, better than me, and that he's sorry for insulting me.

This interaction bothered me, but I couldn't exactly figure out why.  Did it bother me that he's better than me?  No.  I don't necessarily agree with his assessment of the situation.  He might be better than me, but it's certainly not because of his preference in food.  A person's preference is just that...a preference.  It makes no difference if you prefer one type of food and I don't, or vice versa.  At least that's not how I judge a person's character.

It bothered me because I felt guilty, like I should be the one apologizing.  I felt kind of sad for him, that he didn't enjoy the food that I did enjoy.  I love the restaurant that we were talking about.  I know a lot of people who do, too.  It's not like it was a Taco Bell or something (which, for the record, I also enjoy).  It was a decent restaurant.  A sit-down place (not that that determines the quality of the food).  I felt bad for him.  Sure, he really loves fine food.  That's great!  I also enjoy fine food (probably, to be fair, I don't really eat fine food often).  However, since I am not a snob about food, I could enjoy something that he couldn't.  That makes me sad for him, not for me.

I don't think that we are called to be snobs, and yet, we tend to pride ourselves on our snobbishness.  The more we can find fault with the mediocre, the better we are somehow.  Is that good, though?  Should we be snobs?

I am a notoriously picky eater.  I wish that I wasn't.  I hate that people are always like, "Mmmmm...steak is SOOOOO good!"  Ugh.  Gross.  I wish I tasted what they taste when they eat steak.  I swear my taste buds are broken.  But being picky is different than being a snob.  I definitely don't think that I'm better than anyone because I don't like steak.  Geez...I KNOW I'm worse off because I don't get as much enjoyment out of it.  Or any enjoyment for that matter!  I wish I did!  I know that I'm the one missing out.

I will also admit that I am a snob about certain things, too.  I am.  But, in a way, I'm not proud of my snobbishness.  Whenever I discover that I'm acting like a snob, I have to work really hard at stopping that behavior.  The funny thing is that it's hard to stop!  It's a huge challenge to say, "Pride, go away!"  Pride is sticky.

Being a snob steals the joy out of your own life more than it does others.  Work on ridding it from your life, so you can really begin to enjoy the little things, like food from a non-authentic Mexican restaurant.  You'll be a happier person because of it!

Insecurities, Rejection and Confession

I need to ask for your forgiveness.  Again I find myself giving into one of my biggest struggles.  One of my biggest sins.  This sin is one that most people would consider a "private sin," and therefore, they would say, I don't need to apologize to anyone else but God for this sin.  That is not correct, though.

What is my sin?  Feeling sorry for myself.

Yes, that's right, feeling sorry for yourself is a sin.  One I commit way too often.

There are few things in life that are as horrible as the feeling of rejection. I should know.  I've experienced it a lot.  This year.  This month, actually.  While this month has been exciting (what with my promotion and all), I should simply be feeling good about everything.  Yet, I find myself feeling sad about the things in my life that aren't going well.  I find myself wondering if others are actually excited that I'm being promoted like they say, or if they are simply trying to be polite while really feeling disappointed that I'm the one replacing Richard.  The stress of trying to read people's minds and determine their true feelings about me is burdensome.  And impossible.  Burden mixed with stress mixed with impossible goals often results in jumping to terrible conclusions, which I've done.  While this should be a joyful, celebratory time for me, it's really turned into a time of sorrow, while I listen to the lies in my head that say that "everyone is lying to you.  Nobody really wants you."  Insecurity - my oldest companion. 

Top all this off with the fact that I have been excluded from a lot of events lately, and you get yourself a real bad recipe.  People who should have included me in special events have decided that they don't want me to be part of their celebrations and festivities.  People appreciate my skills, but don't like me as a person.  Things are just tough sometimes.  When I feel rejected, which I have a lot lately, I feel sorry for myself.  It's just how it goes.

I want to break that cycle.  I'm working on it.  Hard.  But I did it again.  I found myself entertaining these thoughts willingly.  

Everybody wants to be chosen.  Everybody wants to be wanted.  I guess I can't really speak for everyone, but I know that I sure do.  I don't think I'm unique because of that, either.  When I experience rejection, even if there are other things that are going so well in my life, like a job promotion for instance, I have a tendency to focus all of my attention on myself, to make broad generalizations about myself (like I'm unlovable or I'm annoying or I'm stupid or I'm awkward), and to allow myself to enter into despair.  

When you experience rejection, it's ok to feel sad.  In fact, you should feel sad.  It's ok to feel frustrated.  It's frustrating to want something, to give to someone, to love someone who doesn't reciprocate, appreciate or care.  Feel sad; feel frustrated; don't wallow.

So...this is my confession.  This is me asking for forgiveness from you (I'll ask God for forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation later).  I don't want to take you and your love for granted.  I have some amazing people in my life, who I love dearly.  Who I know love me, too.  I'm sorry that I let myself believe that you were incapable of loving me.  I know that you're a good person.  That's why I want your love.  And yet, I tell myself that you aren't a good enough person to love me.  That's just crazy!  I'm so sorry.  I'm working on this.  I'm working so hard.  Please pray for me.  

Fresh Start

I remember the day when I got the call from Richard, asking me to be the Assistant Director of Youth Ministry.  To be honest, I kind of guessed I was going to get the job, but I didn't know for sure.  When Richard called me to offer me the job, I answered, and, in his typical manner, rather than just telling me the good news outright, he asked me if I was available some weekend later in July.  I said yes, knowing that the dates he asked about were the dates for the Steubenville Conference, which I had blocked off just in case I were to get this job.  He just said, "Well that's good, because it's important for my Assistant to be in attendance at that event."  Then he was quiet.  I knew what he was saying, but I also didn't want to be presumptuous and assume that he was telling me that I was his new assistant, so I didn't say anything.  I've gotten over that with him since then! 

Twelve years!  It's been quite a journey!  I have learned SO much about Youth Ministry, love, God, family, and friendship throughout my time here!  I can't even begin to tell you about it all!

Now my journey has progressed, and I am now the Director of Youth Ministry.  I am so excited (and a little scared) about what will happen in these next years of my life, but if it's anything like the last years of my life, I know that I'll be even stronger, happier, smarter, and better than I've ever been before!  I can't wait to see what happens!

Don't forget about the FAITH part of Faith and Politics

It seems that people are very worried about the current political situation.  Tonight's Presidential debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton has given many people cause to despair.  As Christians, let me ask you this...do you have faith?

In my Catholic Biblical School course, my teacher pointed out that "God can use political circumstances for His own purposes," which got me to thinking...do I believe that God is bigger than this election?  Do I believe that God can work in my life, in this country, even if our political situation is...well...what it is?  Do I believe?

If the answer is yes, that I do, in fact, believe in God's power, than there is no cause for despair.  I'm not saying that we shouldn't do what we can do to "help" Him (haha!  That's laughable!  As if WE could help Him!).  But we are called to act, to be active, and to do whatever we can to bring goodness to this world.  Part of that is learning about our politicians and voting wisely.  Part of that is raising questions, protesting immoral or unethical plans/behaviors/beliefs.  We have to do our part.  But if our country picks a leader who does not live up to our beliefs, does our faith hold?  Can we believe that God is bigger than Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton?

The world has been in this situation before.  Let me correct myself...the world has been in worse situations before.  Remember Pharaoh?  Remember Herod?  Remember what they couldn't do?  They could not stop God's plan from happening.  They could not stop God.

No, I'm not going to tell you who to vote for, or who is best to vote for, or who you shouldn't vote for.  I am also not going to tell you that this might be a year to not vote, either.  I'm going to let you make those horrible decisions for yourself.  I am going to tell you that Jesus tells us not to worry.  That He says that He brings peace.  He tells us not to fear.  Who are we to say otherwise?  

And please don't forget that the world has seen terrible, actually evil, leaders before, and yet, God has never failed to keep His promises.  

Faith is not just a feeling.  It is not just a belief.  Faith is an action.  It is a response to your belief.  Our faith must lead us to peace.  No, not just peace between police and people of color.  Not just peace between America and other countries.  Faith leads us to peace of heart.  Peace of mind.  Peace of soul.  Because neither Pharaoh, Herod, or more modern "evil leaders" like Hitler or Stalin, none of them have been able to kill a person's soul.  None of them have been able to stop a person from achieving heaven.  And yes, things have been bad with them.  And history will decide if these potential leaders will be "evil" or not.  But remember, they do not have the power the keep you from heaven.  If that doesn't bring you peace, why doesn't it?  Do you believe in heaven?  Truly?  Do you believe in God?  Do you believe?

And let us not forget...America is a country where we can make things happen.  We have rights.  We have freedom.  We have the ability to make change a reality.  We are not weak.  This situation is not hopeless.  This situation is not over.  Our country is still great.  Two people who happened to get lucky enough to run for president are not going to single-handedly bring this country down.  Let us ask God, once again, to bless the USA, and let us believe He will.

Scandalously Extravagant

As many of you know, I enjoy running.  I actually enjoy it.  I mean, sometimes it’s horrible and torturous, but for the most part, I like it.  Even when it’s difficult, actually.  When I have a bad run, I tend to get motivated to do better.  It’s weird.  I know.  But I like it.

Over the past several years, I have run several half-marathons.  So, in case you don’t know, a marathon is 26.2 miles, which makes a half marathon 13.1 miles.

Every time I have finished a half marathon, I have been so exhausted that I was very grateful that I didn’t sign up to run the whole thing, because I couldn’t imagine the type of pain and exhaustion that doing what I did TWICE is like.

But a little over a year ago, I put my mind to doing the training for a full marathon.  I created a schedule.  I mustered up a ton of internal discipline, and I started training for this big event.

The thing about marathon training is that it’s not just an endurance race.  Race day is only part of the marathon.  It’s only the LAST 26.2 miles.  There are a LOT of miles run before that day.  And that’s the hardest part.

So I started training.  I started running.  And I was doing really well.  And I was SO proud of myself.

The pain that I started to experience in my hip wasn’t really pain at first.  It was just, sort of annoying.  And it hurt the worst in the first part of my runs, but it diminished a lot by the end.  So I convinced myself that it was just tired, but that warming it up was good and important and all that was needed.

After a couple of weeks, I started to realize that this pain was actually more than just tired muscles.  But I wanted to be “hardcore,” and I wanted to do the race, so I decided to “run through the pain.”

I remember one run in particular.  I parked my car at the church, actually.  There is a trail right behind the church, and I was planning on running on the trail that day.  I started running, and the pain was incredible.  I couldn’t believe how much it hurt.  Now, the logical thing to do would have been to stop running, go home, ice it, take some Ibuprofen, and rest.  But there’s nothing logical about the decision to run 26.2 miles.  Not really.  And I didn’t go home.  I was afraid that taking a day off would hurt my momentum that I had been building.  And so, I ran.  Nine miles.  In pain.

It was that day when the pain became constant.  It was THAT run that did me in.  The pain wouldn’t go away.  It didn’t get better after I got warmed up.  I didn’t get better when I got done.

My calendar told me to run the next day.  And I did.  And it hurt.

I kept running, even though I KNEW that I needed rest.  I KNEW that I needed to do more cross-training, more stretching, and maybe, even for just a little while, a little less running.

But pride…stupid pride…told me that I couldn’t take a break.  Because taking a break was equivalent to quitting.  So I didn’t.  Until the pain got to be so bad that I could barely walk.  It hurt all the time.  It hurt terribly.  I got X-Rays, which told me nothing.  I knew there was no skeletal injury.   Eventually, I had to quit.  I thought that the damage might be permanent, because of how bad it was.  And it made me really really sad.

Rest.

Doesn’t rest seem like a luxury?  

Doesn’t rest seem scandalous?

We are all under a TON of pressure.  You might have pressure from teachers, colleges, and parents to get good grades and be good students.  You have pressure from your parents to be responsible and active participants in family events and life.  You have pressure from your bosses to work according to their schedules and their needs.  You have pressure from your friends to respond to their text messages quickly and enthusiastically.   To hang out and spend quality time together.  You have pressure you’re your coaches, music directors, etc. to show up to practice, to make it a priority, and to give 100%.  You have pressure from Richard, the Core Team and me, to attend Life Teen and to give your time to serve other teens in this community.  And this list here is only a small list of all of the ways you are pressured on a regular basis.

And so, with all of these pressures, it makes total sense that the first thing to go is rest.  Sleep.  Because the only thing pressuring you to sleep is your body.  And the only thing pressuring you to rest is your mind.  It’s EASIEST to let yourself down than it is to let someone else down.  Self-care is seen as selfish.  And so, you sacrifice to make sure that all of those things that are pressuring you, all those PEOPLE who are pressuring you to give your time and energy are content.

And yet, they never seem to be.  No matter how much time and energy you give, there will always be a demand for your time.  And energy.

Our culture loves busy-ness so much.  It’s almost a status symbol to be as busy as possible.  We practically glorify those who get too little sleep.

But, rest is important.  God actually thinks it’s so important that He designated an entire day for us to rest.   And when we don’t rest, our bodies get injured, or sick, and our bodies MAKE us take breaks.

See, it’s easy to say that our bodies are just our bodies, and that they can take a lack of sleep and rest, but it’s not that simple.  We are not just bodies.  And we are not just souls.  Pope Saint John Paul II said that we are body-souls.  Don’t think for a second that the way you treat your body doesn’t affect your soul.  Of course it does!  It has to!

For me, when I am especially exhausted, I have a really difficult time praying.  And it doesn’t just have to be physical exhaustion.  In the last four months since my dad died, I have to admit that the most accurate word that I have to describe my grieving process is that I’ve just been tired.  Physically.  Emotionally.  Mentally.  And yes, spiritually.  It’s not necessarily because of a lack of sleep.  It’s because of a lack of rest.  I feel like that's the only thing on my mind.  It's all I want to talk about.  And it's exhausting to not.  I feel guilty when people like my volunteers complain that they didn't get their Christmas party this year, or their big planning meeting that was supposed to take place during the time when I was dealing with his death.  And that guilt makes me...guess what?  Tired!  I experience it mostly as a lack of spiritual rest.  When we don’t allow our souls to rest with God, we get exhausted.  Rest is always healing.  Restorative.  And we need that in all aspects of our lives.

That’s not to say that work is inherently bad or evil.  Work and rest don’t have to oppose each other necessarily.  And laziness and rest don’t have to be interchangeable, either.  God tells us to rest, not to be lazy.  In fact, laziness, or SLOTH, is one of the seven deadly sins!  He doesn’t tell us to give up work.  Certain kinds of work can be really restful.  For me, actually, (when I’m not over-doing it), running is a restful activity.  It works my body, but it rests my mind.  And it rests my soul.  Especially when I see something beautiful or good on my run.  I love when I run at sunset or sunrise, because it’s lovely.  I love when I run on 80th over the bridge that goes over highway 36, because I get an amazing view of the mountains when I’m going west, and of Denver when I’m going east.  And I always use that time to let my soul be renewed.

Several years ago, when I was working on getting my certificate in youth ministry, we started the day in prayer, and the instructor gave us the direction to ask God to show us how He sees us.  So I did this, and I say very clearly a daisy, which is my favorite flower.  At first, I thought that it was just because daisies are my favorite, and because God was telling me that I am His favorite (just like all of His kids are His favorites).  But the longer I looked at this flower, the more I realized that God loves me for the same reason that I love that flower.  See, a daisy doesn’t DO anything for me.  It doesn’t keep me company when I’m lonely.  It doesn’t give me money when I need or want something.  It doesn’t make me laugh with its sense of humor.  All it does is…it BE’s.  It "be’s "itself, exactly as God created it.  And I think that it’s beautiful.  And it makes me happy.

God doesn’t love me because of what I do.  He can’t love me anymore if I am good, or any less if I am bad, because He IS love itself.  He loves me because I am me.  I am who He created me to be.  I am a red-head.  I like Disney movies.  I like country music.  He loves me…because He created me the way that I am.  And there’s nothing I can do to change that.

When I learned this, I felt so much freedom.  I felt FREE to rest with Him, because I felt like it was ok that I can’t do it all.  I don’t have to.  And it’s very healing.

Rest is scandalous, because busy-ness is the mark of an important person…to other people.  Rest is extravagant.  We spend great amounts of time working and saving money to take a vacation just so we can rest.  We wear ourselves out just so we can rest.  We think of rich people as people who rest.  Retired people rest.

But God says that rest is blessed.  We are human BEINGS, not human DOINGS.  And it’s ok to BE with God.  And we are all called to rest.  It’s good for the body.  For the mind.  AND for the soul.

Sit in silence sometime.  Clear your mind.  It's not as easy to do as it seems like it should be.  But ask God to help you.  Let Him restore your soul.  Maybe you'll have to give something up in order to make that happen.  That's ok.  Trust that He'll take care of that. 

Here's a link to an interesting blog post.  Not at all spiritual, but still helpful:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/guy-kawasaki/lets-stop-the-glorification-of-busy_b_5018712.html

Dear Planet Fitness...You are NOT Judgement Free

Dear Planet Fitness,

When I first heard about your "Judgement Free" policy, I thought that sounded really kind of nice.  Although I am a person who enjoys exercise and fitness, I have always been intimidated by those who are more knowledgeable about fitness than I am.  I have always been intimidated by free weights, and, even though I know and believe that free weights are better for you than machines, I have always used the machines instead because of my fear of looking stupid.  Somehow, through a commercial or a friend who used your gym, I'm not really sure how, but somehow I heard about your policy on judgement, and it sounded good.

So I joined your gym.

I joined on a particularly busy afternoon, which was good for you, because your employees were too busy to give me a tour around the gym.  Had they, I would NOT have joined.  The employee told me that I could go and look around, and I did for like, a second, and then I decided to join.  They had pretty much everything I wanted.  Ok, they had treadmills and they were cheap, and that's all I really cared about at that time.

I did my first workout that day.  I was mid workout when I heard this loud, scary alarm.  I thought that maybe it was a fire alarm or something.  I had no idea what I was hearing.  I looked around to see if anybody knew about the evacuation protocol, as I assumed we would have to evacuate.  But nobody did anything.  Nobody even looked concerned.  Nobody really cared.  That's when I saw it.  The "Lunk Alarm."  Someone had set it off. I was alarmed, but since nobody else seemed to be, I figured it was just something I missed in my rushed sign-up process, and I continued with my work-out, praying that it wasn't because of me or anything I did.

What I came to learn was that that alarm is set off when someone is acting like a "Lunk."  When someone is grunting, dropping weights, wearing obnoxious clothes, etc.  When someone is behaving like a scary, intimidating exercise-aholic.  These people, apparently, are called "Lunks."

This did not set well with me. 

What I came to realize was that you were, in fact, judging these people called "Lunks."  So much so that you publically humiliated someone.  A loud, blinking alarm would go off to show everyone, "Hey, look, there's a Lunk present."  To me, it sounded a lot like judgement.

At first, I let it go. I figured it must be a rare occassion when someone sets off the Lunk Alarm.  But it wasn't rare.  In fact, every single time I visited that gym, I'd hear it several times.  It was distracting.  It always startled me.  And what's worse was that it affected my time there.

I became afraid that I would set off the Lunk Alarm, and that everyone's attention would be brought to me, and that I would be embarrassed.  I joined that gym so that people would NOT notice what I was doing.  And there it was, this ever-present, looming risk of everyone looking at me.

Is that what you really wanted?

To be "judgement free" is not a good thing.  It's ok to judge people's actions.  It's ok to say that lunks are intimidating (that is a judgement).  It's ok to say that Lunks aren't welcome, if that's what you're going for.  But that's your judgement.  And it's not being "judgement free."

When I saw one of your commercials, I couldn't believe it.  Look at it:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPwG7Rd9oHU.  Now, first of all, I've never been to a gym where people acted like they do in those commercials.  Also, they are blatantly making fun of those so-called "Lunks."  They are degrading to them.  They are rude.  You know who is the problem?  YOU are. 

Like I said, I'm ok with it if you don't want those people to be in your gym.  But you know, you should show them a little bit of dignity, even if you don't like them.  Wouldn't YOU expect the same?

I am no longer a member of your gym, because YOU intimidated me with YOUR judging.  YOU made me even more afraid to try the free-weights than I would have been without your alarm.

Be judgement free, or don't.  But don't pretend to be when you aren't.  Your selling a product you aren't providing, and because of it, you lost a customer. 

Krissy

Say Something

Do you ever just need someone to say something NICE to you?  Something kind?  Something good?

I do.

I feel like people have lost the ability to give real compliments.  People are so quick to criticize these days.  And their criticisms are extremely specific, whereas, their compliments are not.  For instance, "The way you decorated this room is really nice."  Well, WHAT is nice?  WHAT do you like?  Do you like the picture frame I picked out?  Or the place I put it?  Or the color for the wall?  Or the couch color?  WHAT do you like about this "Nice" room?  But, if they have a criticism, it's extremely specific.  "This chair doesn't match the rest of the room."  Really?  I hadn't noticed.

I have been getting my feelings hurt a lot lately.  I feel like there is just nothing good about me.  People tell me so often that I am weird.  Or that I am "such a red-head," whatever that means.

There's a Christmas movie that is played on Hallmark, where the single mom says that all she wants for Christmas is for a stranger to compliment her.  When I heard that in the movie (last year), I thought, "Me, too!"

I often talk about how Catholics aren't supposed to be "nice."  We are supposed to tell the Truth, and sometimes the Truth isn't nice.  But you know what?  Sometimes it is.  To paraphrase Ephesians 4:29, we should only say things that are helpful.  "White-lies" aren't helpful, but real compliments are.  And, it's just been so long since someone has said something truly nice, without sarcasm, without adding something critical afterwards, that I feel like, I don't know, like I'd just crumble and die if it happened.  A pure compliment.

I'd like to challenge you to do this for the people in your life.  All the people.  And, if there is someone in your life who really annoys you, who you really can't stand, who you fight with a lot, then work extra hard to compliment them for real.  But do it.  It'll be good for that person, because, they probably need to hear it.  But it'll be good for you, too.  What do you say?  Give it a try!

My Thoughts on Fall

I can be kind of mean sometimes.  I have to preface this post with that sentence because, you're going to see me be mean today.  I am, honestly, ashamed of my meanness.  But, alas, it happens.  And it's going to look like I am proud of it because of the fact that I am writing this today.  Also, another disclaimer is that this is not exactly a "Catholic" post.  It's just something that I think. 

I once "Unfriended" someone from Facebook because they responded to a post that I wrote about hating fall with this hashtag, "#campaigntoendfallhate."  Like, I am not allowed to have the personal opinion that fall is annoying.  That I am not allowed to dislike fall.  I'm sorry, but since when am I not allowed to not enjoy a season of the year?

Granted, that "friendship" was bit of a joke always anyway.  That girl hurt my feelings a lot of the time with insensitive, un-compassionate comments.  Everything was always about her, and sometimes I needed things to about me.  Although our Facebook friendship ended with this comment, there was, in fact, a lot of things that contributed to the demise of our friendship.  But it was still a mean reason for me to un-friend her. 

Anyway, I hate fall.  And one of the reasons that I hate fall is that it turns people into pretentious snobs.  Like my friend.  I tried explaining to her that I don't like that I always get sick, and that I don't like Pumpkin flavored things, and that I am not a big fan of wet leaves, and that I don't have cute clothes or money to buy cute clothes (which are very expensive), and so I don't get to participate in fall-clothes season.  And even if I could, I would feel self-conscious and ugly because someone would inevitably tell me that something didn't look good or that it didn't match or something.  And I'd be embarrassed and hate myself and never want to come back outside again.

Plus, fall means that winter is just around the corner.  And I hate winter.  I hate it so much.  I dread it.  It makes me sad.  It makes me angry.  It makes me frustrated.  I don't like the snow.  I don't like the cold.  I don't like wind.  I don't like worrying about pipes bursting, or cars crashing, or tree branches falling, or slipping on ice.  I.  HATE.  WINTER.  Which is another opinion that I'm not allowed to have.

When I tell someone that I hate winter, they say, "Why do you live in Colorado, then?"  When I try to preemptively explain that I'd like to move away from Colorado so that they don't ask that question, they say, "Well where would you move?"  No answer I give satisfies.  "Florida is too humid," "Arizona is too dry," "Hawaii is so expensive."  There are bugs and old people or young partiers or it's too hot or whatever.  So, they always make me feel stuck here.  They always make me feel trapped.

Sometimes I try to suppress these feelings, but, alas, that isn't healthy, either.

I just wish that people would be nice.  And I feel like fall brings out the mean in people.  Nobody is ever nice to me in the fall.  If one person, ONE PERSON, would say to me, "Gosh, it's tough to live in a place that you don't enjoy all year 'round, I'm sorry that you feel that way," then I'd feel so much better.  I would feel listened to, encouraged, supported and understood.  But no.  It's always, "How can you hate fall!?!?!?"  Like I'm a freak.  Or wrong.  Or stupid.  Or all of those things.

But I hate the fall.  And I hate fall-people.  So, if you like the fall, that's great.  You can like it all you want.  And when you express that to me, my response will probably be something like this, "That's great.  I'm so glad that we're in a season you love."  Because, you know what?  It's ok for you to have a different opinion than mine.  And I don't need to take away from your joy by telling you about my frustration.  It's not the time for that.  But, if I tell you that I don't like fall (which I probably won't do unless there's a reason that's really bothering me at the time), then please, just don't be a jerk.  Please.  Pretty please.  Sometimes, you just need to let me have my own opinion. 

Beauty and the Beast - a Defense

I've written a lot of really serious posts lately, so it's about time to lighten up a bit.  So here's a topic that is near and dear to me, but many might find silly, immature and/or unworthy of their time.  Maybe it is.  But it's something that I NEED to get off my chest.

Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorite movies, and all the feminists out there who think that there are problems with that, well, so be it.  But their reasoning is wrong.  Just...wrong.

I am going to write this with the assumption that you have seen the Disney version of this movie, and that you are familiar with the basic plot and characters.

Ok, first, I am going to look past the obvious faults with the movie, that the Prince was only 11 years old, with no parents, in a big castle, all alone when this spell happened.  Although, to be fair, the whole "stranger danger" thing doesn't really hold when you live in a castle full of people who can look out for you.  He could have put her up in a different part of the castle, sent a guard to keep an eye on her, and send her away when it wasn't "bitter cold" out.  I am going to ignore the fact that the kingdom that he was supposedly in charge of didn't ever know what happened, nor did they bother to find out.  He was obviously in a dysfunctional kingdom.  I am going to ignore the fact that Belle's parents were not really in the picture.  Her mom was...dead?  Her dad was eccentric to the point that he was irrelevant.  Ineffective.  I am going to ignore the fact that Belle fell in love with a literal beast.

In college, I actually paid to take a class called "Disney's Women and Girls."  Thank you, CU Boulder, for my fine education.  It was a Women's Study's course, which, I just don't believe in.  But, I LOVE Disney, and since we got to watch a Disney movie DURING class every week, I thought that the class might actually be fun.  Little did I know how irritated I would become in this class.  I think that Disney is not the evil corporation that everyone thinks it is.

One thing that my class discussed was that Beauty and the Beast is a bad movie for girls because it, apparently, teaches young girls that, if they stay in abusive relationships long enough, and are nice enough, then the man will just change.  Poof.  Just because she is nice.

Now, I don't know if I saw a completely different movie than everyone else in the world, but when was Belle NICE to the Beast?  At what point?  Because, early on, the first night in the castle, he asks her to dinner.  A "nice" response would be to say, "ok, yes, of course, whatever you say."  But she did not.  She said no.  And she stood by her no.  She only started being nice to the Beast when he saved her life.  It was when she was about to be attacked by the wolves after she ran away, and he chased her down, fought the wolves himself, got injured, and she helped him get back to the castle and took care of his wounds.  That was the first time when she was "nice" to him.  After he earned that right.

AND EVEN THEN!!!...she STILL defended herself.  He lost his temper and growled at her, and she got in an argument with him, and she finally told him that he has to control his temper.  She totally won that argument.  Would a "nice" girl?  No!  A "nice" girl would just let him talk to her however he wanted, and she wouldn't defend herself or stand up for herself.  She wouldn't be willing to put herself out there and say what needs to change.  But, she was finally nice when she thanked him, very sincerely, for saving her life.

So did that change him?  She was nice, and POOF!  He was nice?  Nope!  Let me ask you, why do you think he wanted to fall in love?  He fell in love because he wanted to break the spell.  He changed because he knew that, in order for her to fall in love with him, he'd have to do things differently.  And so he made those changes to help, not only him, but people he truly did care about.  Lumiere, Mrs. Potts, Cogsworth...we see how these characters are important to him throughout the whole movie.  These are the people he goes to for advice.   And they coach him.  They teach him how he needs to change.  From superficial things to more meaningful things, they give him well rounded advice for winning her heart.

From IMDB...

Beast: Oh, it's no use. She's so beautiful, and I'm... Well, look at me!
Mrs. Potts: Oh, must help her to see past all that.
Beast: I don't know how.
Mrs. Potts: Well, you can start by making yourself more presentable. Straighten up. Try to act like a gentleman.
[Beast stands up straighter]
Lumiere: Ah, yes. When she comes in give her a dashing, debonair smile. Come, come, show me the smile.
[Beast gives a big, forced smile]
Mrs. Potts: But don't frighten the poor girl!

Lumiere: Impress her with your rapier wit.
Mrs. Potts: But be gentle.
Lumiere: Shower her with compliments.
Mrs. Potts: But be sincere.
Lumiere: And above all...
Mrs. Potts, Lumiere: You must control your temper!

I mean, you don't get much more varied advice on love than you do from asking Mrs. Potts and Lumiere!  Talk about opposing!  But, they don't oppose each other!  They balance each other.  Actually, it's more like they complete each other.   Compliment each other?  I think, in a unique way, they do all of those things!

He even gets love advice from Cogsworth.  He seeks help from anybody who will give it.   Granted, Cogsworth's advice is not great, or even good.  But, at this point, the Beast has learned a thing or two, and he knows exactly what to give Belle, a library.  And she loves it, of course!  It's fits her personality, her likes, her passions, perfectly.  He gave her something that only one who truly knows and loves another can give...he paid attention.

There is a great line from the musical version of Beauty and the Beast, that speaks so clearly about the beast.  The words say,

No beauty could move me
No goodness improve me
No power on earth, if I can't love her
No passion could reach me
No lesson could teach me
How I could have love her and made her love me too
If I can't love her, then who?

Think about that.  He recognizes that this is his only shot.  He has a chance here and now for love, but he despairs, because it's not just enough for one to fall in love with the other, they have to fall in love with each other.  Belle is a very good person.  She is beautiful, kind, loving, passionate, intelligent, and...I mean...she has such a capacity to love that she was willing to give up her freedom for someone she loves.  The Beast knows that if he can't fall in love with someone as good as she, well then there is no hope for him at all.  He has to truly love.  It has to be pure.  And, as we see, it is. He lets her go right when the spell would be broken.  As far as he was concerned, her leaving - EVEN IF SHE WAS PLANNING ON RETURNING - would be too late.  It would doom him and all of his friends, probably some family (even if "distant" family).  They were all counting on this, the pressure was on, and he let her go.  He set her free.  But he did not know that true love comes only when the person is free to love.  Free to leave.  Free to say yes.  Free to say no.  Until then, she had been his prisoner.  Once he set her free, only then could she truly love.

I believe, whole heartedly, that this movie, this story, this show, is great.  I love it.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about these things.  IS that bad though?  IS it a waste of my time?  To be fair, you can make anything have a bad message if you want.  People are out to villianize Disney.  Granted, there are some blatantly racist things in some of their earlier movies.  But, for the most part, Disney has good messages, good lessons to teach our kids.  We just have to take the time to talk to them, to help them with their critical thinking, to teach them the Truth.  They will eventually grow lenses to find it for themselves. 

It Moves Us All

Lions are my favorite animal.  They are strong, majestic, smart, beautiful creatures.  I love lions.  I wrote a whole retreat one time based off of the great scene in the movie The Lion King, where Mufasa comes down in the clouds to encourage Simba.  It's a great scene and a total metaphor for prayer.  It's perfect.

Cecil the Lion was killed recently to be a hunting trophy, and it is something that has created a lot of very strong and intense reactions in a lot of people across our country.

Cecil the Lion

As a Catholic who hangs out in Catholic groups and reads Catholic articles and sees Catholic friends post about Catholic issues, I have seen one very strong reaction that bothers me greatly.  The reaction that I see from Catholics is basically a response to the belief that animal conservationists are somehow "the" problem.  That animal rights and human rights somehow oppose each other, and that human rights are all that matters.  I'm sure that this happened from the other side, too.  That animal rights people claimed that animal rights is the most important. 

As far as I know, there isn't a name for people like me.  I am neither an animal conservationist, nor, well, anti-animal conservationist.  But I do love animals.  I do believe in treating them with the kind of dignity that they deserve.  They are not equal to humans by any means.  Human life has the most dignity because we are made in the Image and Likeness of God.  Therefore, we have great, unique, dignity.  But animals have dignity, too.  A certain kind of dignity.  They are not made in God's Image and Likeness, but they are made by God, and you betcha He loves them, too. We have an obligation to protect and care for God's creation, no matter if it's plants, animals, the Earth, or even space.  God gave us these things to use for our actual physical lives, for our enjoyment, for our amazement, and to give Him glory.  He did not give us these things so that we could abuse them.

Because I believe that God gave us these things to help us live, I am not opposed to hunting.  God gave us animals to eat.  But not all animals are created equally.

As a child/teen, I often heard that Taco Bell uses horse meat in its taco meat.  Appalled by this, many people claimed that they would never eat there.  I had no way of knowing if these things that I heard were true (note, I didn't hear this because of a newspaper article, or a news story, or on the radio, I heard it from my friends, who were my age, and basically knew nothing about how the world worked or what was real).  All I knew was that everyone who heard this had a very strong reaction to it.  Including myself.  And it made me curious.

Why, in the minds of so many people, is it ok to eat a chicken, but not a dog?  Why is it ok to eat a turkey, but not a cat?  Why is it ok to eat a cow, but not a horse?  Those last two are even rather similar to each other, don't you think?  I just never really understood the reasoning.  I felt the same way, though.  I felt that it is wrong to eat a dog, a cat, and a horse. 

Not all animals are created equal.  And we, humans, are a primary example of that.  We alone are animals made in the Image and Likeness of God.  If we are separate, aren't other animals kind of separate from each other as well?

Cecil the Lion died as a result of hunting.  I am not opposed to hunting.  I do believe, though, that there are animals you hunt, and animals you don't hunt.  And lions should be, in my opinion, on the "no-hunt" list.

But it's hard to understand why.  Where is that line?  When does it become ok to hunt and eat an animal, and when is that not ok?  I can't tell you.

As far as I know, the Bible is silent on this issue.  The Bible is NOT silent on the issue of protecting God's creation, though.  In fact, it says right away in the Bible, "The LORD God then took the man and settled him in the garden of Eden, to cultivate and care for it" (Genesis 2:15). 

Adam, who, at the time was ALL of mankind (Eve had yet to be created) was in charge of taking care of the Earth!  That was his job, and was/is therefore the job of all of humanity!  He was to cultivate and care for it!  It's part of being made in the Image and Likeness of God!  We have forgotten who we are...we are men and women, created in God's Image and Likeness, created with the responsibility and JOY of protecting and caring for the Earth. 

"You have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten me...You are more than what you have become."

When people abuse this role, it becomes sinful.  So we unjustly hurt animals, people, and the most precious kinds of people...unborn babies.

I don't think that these two groups have to be on opposing teams.  And although the abortion issue is a top priority, I don't think that negates the animal and environmental issues, either.  If we don't take care of our planet, this planet will kill us.  It will become so polluted, there will be so little food left, that human kind will die off.  Taking care of the environment is part of the Pro-Life Movement!  WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM!!!!!!!! 

When any of God's creatures/creation is abused, it SHOULD move us all!  We should all be outraged!  Not just the animal rights people.  Not just the pro-life people.  All of us, together, should be scandalized.

I think that the Cecil thing was blown out of proportion, but that doesn't matter.  What does matter is that we use this bad thing to start re-energizing us about what's important.  Picking fights about who is better or who is worse is a waste of energy.  If you are working at protecting God's creation, then you are doing a good thing.  Let's stop fighting each other and start working together to make this world a healthier, holier, better place!  We can do this!