World Youth Day - Day 7 (Stations of the Cross)

Friday, July 26, 2013

This was my favorite day!  I've been excited to finally get to day 7, to tell what happened here!

Running out of water for showers, flushing toilets, and brushing teeth had become routine at this point.  Carrying flashlights around with you in the accommodations was just what you did.  We weren't surprised anymore when it happened.  In fact, we had come to expect it.

We started the day by grabbing our breakfast kits, and taking off to go to Rio!  We skipped out on catechesis at the place we were supposed to have it so that we could hear Cardinal O'Malley speak at the American Center.  Richard had to leave to take a teen to replace his credentials that were lost.  There I was, alone with the group again.  But at least this time I had Father Chris with me, and one of our adults had her phone, so I let Richard have mine, so we could be in contact.  Those things helped.  Even though we weren't sure that we were going to the vigil, we knew that if we did, we wanted to make sure that everyone could get in.

Guaravita Juice that the locals love.  I didn't love it.

I didn't really listen to Cardinal O'Malley, because I wanted to take notes about other things we'd done up until this point, and this was the only time I had to do it.  I know that, like Archbishop Charles from South Africa, and Archbishop Aquila from Denver, Cardinal O'Malley spoke about the Rich Young Man.  Was that a coincidence, or were they instructed to teach about that?  I really couldn't tell.  

When we arrived at the American Center, where we weren't supposed to be, it was crowded past capacity, so we were told we'd have to sit outside and watch the screens out there.  But then a member of our group went to talk to someone and got us into an overflow room.  I started writing in my journal, when a bunch of helicopters started flying around.  We thought that they were watching Pope Francis as he drove around the city.  Although we have no proof of that fact, I know that is what was going on.  He had apparently driven by the American Center just before we arrived there.  

We were watching the helicopters, wishing that he'd drive by again, when I noticed that confessions were going on in a different part of the room.  There was no line or wait.  In fact, many of the priests were just sitting there.  I knew that I should go to confession, and now was the opportune time to do it.  So, I started to do an examination of conscience.  I was pacing back and forth as I prayed, which was very concerning to the priest who was directing people for confessions.  He asked me if I was alright.  Of course I was, but I don't think he really believed me.

I finally felt prepared to go to confession, and I had the best confession of my life!  The priest was amazing.  I felt like he really understood me, like he really cared.  We didn't just talk about my sins, but about my life in general.  I saw something in that priest, something that surprised me.  I know that every time you go to confession you are talking with a priest who is In Persona Christi, but I still always feel like I'm talking to some priest.  I know I'm not, but I feel like I am.  Well it was different this time.  I felt like I was literally talking to Jesus.  There was no mask there.  I saw Jesus.  I met Him.  And it was amazing.

My penance?  How ironic.  My penance was to be joyful.  Considering the bad attitude I had all week, it was very appropriate.  That's what I had been missing!  It was so clear!  After I left that Reconciliation, I was like a changed person!  It was the best feeling in the world!  I was free, and it was good!

We had mass with Cardinal O'Malley.  Everyone in our group got lunch at the American Center as I spoke with the American Embassy about the Vigil, Mass, and our accommodations.  I told them about how we were not feeling very safe in our accommodations, and how we were concerned about the safety of the vigil.  The lady informed me that there was talk that they'd be canceling the vigil entirely due to safety concerns, and that the mass was being moved to 4:45 pm.  That would have solved our group's problems, that is for sure!

She was incredibly helpful to us, and we were very appreciative of all that we did.  It made all of our decisions so much easier!  Now it looked like we could go to the vigil, but if things got dangerous, we would have a place to go.  That sounded like a good plan to most of us!

We made our way to meet up with Richard, where we had a little bit of time to eat a bigger meal and do some shopping.  I ate at a place called Big Bob's.  There were a bunch of stands selling things.  I had less than ten minutes to get in, find some souveniers, and get back to the group.  Somehow, I managed to do all of that and go pray in an Adoration tent that had a relic of Padre Pio!  That was great! 

We also had a little bit of time to stop in a Franciscan Monastery that was just about the most beautiful place I'd ever seen!  Somehow I started feeling dizzy again, but that feeling didn't last for very long.  

It was all gold inside the Monastery!

The ceiling

We took too long at the Monestary, and had to rush to the Stations of the Cross.  This was the first time I got a glimpse of Pope Francis.  Well, I saw the roof of his car, but I was still very close!  Some of our group saw him!

Like Zacchaeus, people waited in trees to get a glimpse of the Pope!

I had a lot of fun at the Stations of the Cross, but I hardly focused on the stations at all.  I felt joyful, and I wanted to celebrate that!  I spent more money here than I did the rest of the time!  I bought candy and popcorn and I ate it and enjoyed it!  It was fabulous!  

CHOCOLATE!!!!!

I had been irritated at the Opening Ceremonies because people were joking around and not taking it seriously, and here I was, doing the same thing at the Stations of the Cross.  I realized, of course, that maybe I had been too harsh.  I realized that I was too quick to judge before.  

Our group, reading along with the Stations of the Cross

We got our stuff blessed by Pope Francis here!  Several people from home gave us stuff to get blessed by him, too! 

Getting their religious items blessed!

We left a little early, just in time to beat the crowds.  It was amazing to me to see how skilled we became at getting home.  On the first night, we got stuck in Rio.  On the next night, we got lost in Niteroi.  On the next night, we got locked out of the school.  And on this night, we made it home with no problems!  It was a miracle if I've ever seen one!

The subways were crazy packed!  Always!

Things were looking up.  I actually had fun on this day.  Real, actual fun.  It's amazing what happens to a person when they meet Jesus!  It changes you!

World Youth Day - Day 6 (Welcoming of the Pope)

Thursday, July 25, 2013

At 7:15, we were up and ready to go.  We stopped at a stand on the way to breakfast...so that we could eat breakfast.  I think that this really lifted the spirits of some people in our group.  They really needed a tasty snack. 

We got to the place where we had catechesis and ate our boxed breakfasts. 

It's amazing how exhaustion can affect a person.  I said that the day before, after I hit my head, I started crying and couldn't really stop for a long time.  Well, that continued this morning.  It was on this day that I started to seriously ask the question, "how can I get out of the rest of this?"  If I had found a way, I wonder if I actually would have taken it.  I was really struggling.  It was only the 6th day, and the most difficult stuff was still to come.  I wanted to give up.  It all just seemed impossible.

I think that the most difficult thing was that I was frustrated with the lack of prayer.  I seemed to be praying less than I would at home.  Less!!  There was just so much distraction.  The language was different.  And we didn't have time.

I cried for a little while, which I think was good for me.  Once I got it out of my system, I never cried again on this pilgrimage.  And I stopped about an hour after breakfast.

We got another surprise on this day!  Archbishop Aquila, who was so happy to see us the day before, was the one doing catechesis for us today!  And Mass!  When they introduced him, we got out our Colorado flag and cheered and waved the flag.  Again, he looked like a proud papa.  I swear, he gave his entire teaching looking at us!

We had mass.  It was freezing.  I was trying to get all bundled up in blankets.  That news, that we'd experience the coldest cold front in Brazil's history seemed to be true on this day.

After mass, we left to head into Rio.  And, shockingly, it was warm outside.  How did that happen?  It's weird because the buildings in Brazil don't really have windows.  Some do, but they are kind of rare.  Most of the buildings we stayed in had bars across the "windows," but no glass.  I suppose they don't really need protection from the elements like we do in Colorado.  We were there on a day that felt cold because we didn't have long pants and because our clothes had gotten wet in the rain the day(s) before.  It was cold enough to see your breath though.  Actually, I think that somehow, in a weird way, it was almost humid enough to see your breath.  It looked different than it does in Colorado.  I think that it was just cold inside the building that morning because of the lack of windows, and that's why I was so cold!

We ate lunch at the mall again.  By the time we got there, my hoodie finally dried completely!  It had been damp for days, and now it was finally dry!  Oh the relief!

I met Batman at the mall!

One of my favorite moments of the entire trip happened during lunch.  Ordering food was kind of a disaster everywhere we went.  I never really expected to get what I asked for, because I knew that it was near impossible.  I got up to the front of the line, and I pointed at the menu to show her that I wanted the Number Two Combo, and I put up two fingers.  She asked me what I wanted on top, and I pointed to the word Pepperoni.  Then she kept talking to me.  I couldn't figure out what she was saying.  I shook my head, and she kept talking.  I asked for some of the boys who were with me to come and help me, and they couldn't figure it out either.  She asked for her manager to come over and help her, but he couldn't figure it out either.  Finally, I just gave her my card, and I decided that whatever she gave me, I'd eat.

We stood there, waiting to see what I got, and we looked at the receipt, which was WAY more expensive than it should have been.  We thought that maybe I ordered an entire pizza on accident.  It turns out, I ordered two Number Two Combos!  That's ok, though.  I ate them both!  And I ate them fast!  And I felt so good to be full!

I really enjoyed this time, because, frustrating as it was, we laughed a lot.  We were actually having a really fun time trying to figure out what I ordered.  I was just happy that I got to eat!

We went from lunch to the American Center to watch the welcoming ceremony, since we didn't have the subway passes we needed to go see it in person.  I was sad because I really wanted to be there.  I could watch a TV back at home.  I didn't have to come here to do that.  But, actually, after the Pope arrived, they did a weird welcoming ceremony, that even I thought was weird.  Too weird.  Really really weird.  We were all a little worried about the Opening Ceremonies for the Olympics after we saw that show.  They like weird stuff here. 


The satellites lost their signal, so we had to leave without getting to finish watching.  I don't think that anyone was disappointed in the idea of getting home early.  Early sounded so nice.  Plus, we were supposed to be getting a translation of what was being said, and the translator did a terrible job.  We still had no idea what was happening.  Not even I was disappointed!  Because the ceremonies were still going on when we left, we missed the big crowds!  And it stopped raining!

The American Center, where we watched the Pope arrive

There he is!

Saying hello!

We were all in high spirits, until we got on the ferry and learned that the place where they were going to hold the vigil later in the week had flooded.  We were a little skeptical about this news, since their definition of "flooded" in the boys' room was very different than ours was.  Now that I've seen pictures of Campus Fidei, there is no way they could have had the vigil there.  I'm curious as to why they picked that place at all.  Apparently it used to be a swamp, that human beings tried to drain and turn into something different.  It turns out, once a swamp, always a swamp, until God says it's no longer a swamp!

The people who told us about the changes were a little dramatic about it.  They said that having the vigil at Copacabana Beach would be a "death sentence," and of course, that freaked people out.  We still didn't know that this was true, and we still didn't know what kind of security they would have at the vigil and mass.  But those words, "death sentence," kinda stick with you!

We got back to the school before we were allowed to go in, so we had to find something to do.  What's a good thing to do when you're bored?  Food!  So we went to this really sketchy pizza place where they set up tables for us basically in the street.  We were just counting down the minutes until the school would open, because we did not want to stay there.  We had fun outside the pizza place, though, coming up with stories about our group.  I won't go into details here about those stories, because that's a book in itself!  But it was a lot of fun!

At 10:00 exactly, we headed back to the school, where it was still locked.  We didn't wait for too long (although it felt like we did) before we discovered that there were people inside who accidentally shut the gate which locks automatically.  We probably could have entered the building before pizza, but then we wouldn't have gotten pizza, which is a good thing to have!

After we started eating, we made the announcement to the group about Campus Fidei, and our safety concerns.  It really sounded like we weren't even going to go to the vigil or mass at all.  The teens were really disappointed, as you can imagine, but they took it in stride.  None of them threw fits or cried or anything.  I think that some of them were even relieved to not have to go!  But most were disappointed.  I kept telling them to pray for a miracle.  We didn't know all of the facts yet.  If we learned that they had a plan for security that we were comfortable with, we'd do it.  A lot could change in only a few days.

We stayed up for a while calling parents to tell them what we knew, and to ask for their permission to attend the event, and not attend the event, based on what we learned as we went.  The parents spent a lot of money so that their kids could go to this vigil.  If it turned out that we weren't going to it, they needed to know that before.  We also wanted to let them know that the location had changed, just because it's good to communicate stuff like that with the parents.  All of the parents were understanding, kind, and happy that we were looking out for their kid's safety.  What good parents!

I didn't want us to just give up on this, but I didn't know what choice we had.  Safety is important, but the World Youth Day Council had to know that, too.  All of the concerns we had, I was sure they had, too.  People who were smarter than us were working on this, and I knew that they could come up with a plan.  There had to be a way to keep everyone safe.

A pilgrimage is never boring!

World Youth Day - Day 5 (South Africa Mass)

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Waking up after the ordeal we had the night before was not an easy task.  But the rule remained, that we had to be out of the school by 8:00 am.  There wasn't much we could do about that.

I woke up at 6:30 am to learn that our building had run out of water.  One of the qualifications for housing was that it had to have bathrooms and showers.  But this morning, we had neither.  No water meant no showers.  No toilets.  And most annoyingly, no ability to brush teeth.  It was a difficult start to the day.  

However, God is good, and He gave us a little gift early on in the day.  It was one of the best things I've ever experienced, and I think that many people in my group would say the same.

We were going to get catechesis for the next three mornings at the place where we ate breakfast.  We had no idea who was going to teach or what the topics were about.  I think that we all figured that the teachings would go along with the theme, "Go make disciples of all nations."  We figured it'd be from an English speaking archbishop.  I know that some in our group were hoping it would be Cardinal Dolan.  It wasn't.  We actually never even saw him.

Now, we were assigned a catechesis location based on our housing location.  Let's just say that there weren't a huge number of Americans who chose simple accommodations.  There were some.  The Vermont group was among them.  The American/Vietnemese Youth were among them.  But most of the Americans were in Rio.  Which meant that we were with a lot of the african groups.  And it is because we were with them that we got to witness such beauty.

The Archbishop of South Africa, Charles, taught us on this day.  He told us the story of his vocation, that he was only 8 years old when he first felt called to the priesthood.  Although he remained confident in that call for many years, he struggled with it for much of his time in seminary.  He wanted to be a lawyer, diplomat, actor or anything.  It wasn't until a priest told him that Jesus doesn't need him, but wants him, that he went through with it.  He became a priest at age 25, and is now "63 years young."  

His talk was about personal crisis, which was why he told us the story of the Rich Young Man (Mark 10:17-27).  He said that it's the story of every person because, like the rich young man, we don't just want to be Christians, we want to be good Christians.  Nobody wants to say goodbye.  Young people want to live and love forever, and that's what the Christian life offers.  He kept breaking into the song "Lord I want to be like Jesus."  

Archbishop Charles

All of us are thirsting for life, he said.  But that thirst for life can only be satisfied in Christ.  The problem of the Rich Young Man is not just his possession, it's the question that he asks, "What more do I need to DO?"  Just like with Martha and Mary, which we heard earlier in the week, it's not about doing.  But Jesus' response to this man was simply that he loved him.  That's the answer that we seek.  That Jesus loves us.  When Jesus told the Rich Young Man to sell his possessions, the purpose wasn't really that possessions themselves are evil.  Jesus' goal was not to have the man just sell his possessions; His goal was to have the man follow Him, which he couldn't do with his stuff.  It was never really about possessions.  It was about the heart.

So, basically, there were three points that the archbishop wanted us to remember:  1.  You are hungry for life.  2.  Jesus is the answer.  3.  Come and follow Him.  He ended the talk singing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot."
 
After his talk was over, which we thought was amazing, we got to experience mass with this Archbishop.  I guess groups had signed up to lead the music and bring up the gifts, but I didn't remember that ever being announced.  The music of the mass was really cool and different compared to what we are used to.  I can't remember which song it was, but I believe it was the Alleluia, that Archbishop Charles had us redo, because we didn't give it enough life.  Honestly, it was a new song that I was unfamiliar with, so I wasn't able to sing along.  And, honestly, he was probably right, that even if I had known the song, I wouldn't have given it the enthusiasm he was looking for!

Thanks, Andrea, for the picture!

I honestly don't really remember the homily.  I know that he continued talking about the Rich Young Man, but I don't really remember what he said.  But that wasn't the best part.  During the bringing up of the gifts, we saw a group from South Africa stand up and go to pick up the gifts.  They lined up and paused for only just a moment, but I could tell in that moment that something amazing was about to happen.  And then it did.

Who did I steal this picture from?

They broke into song and dance, right there, carrying the gifts.  It wasn't a wild or crazy song or dance.   It was extremely reverent.  It was gorgeous.  I have no idea what the words of their song meant, but I can tell you without a doubt that they were joyful about presenting the gifts.  It was what true gift giving should look like.  You know, at Christmas, we spend money wrapping gifts, buying paper, bows and pretty things to put on it.  We take time to pick out the right things.  We put the gifts under the tree, in sight, not just because that's a place to store them, but so we can look at them and build anticipation.  Gift giving is exciting and we make it special.  Unless it's our gifts at mass.  So many people use that time as intermission.  Watch how many people get up to go to the bathroom, get a sip of water, or turn to their neighbor to talk.  But those are OUR gifts, mine and yours, and we are presenting them through those who carry them up, to God.  We could learn a lesson from our South African friends about reverence.

During the Eucharistic prayers (I think?), the South African group sang another song.  There were no instruments, just their voices.  It was perfectly done.  The dynamics.  The harmonies.  It was gorgeous.  

A teen told me later that she wished we could have what they have, and I told her that in order to have what they have, you have to have everything that goes with it.  The reason that they are the way that they are is because they have very difficult lives.  Sure, we could reproduce some of the things we saw them do.  We could hire a choir, we could research traditional zulu songs and copy the way that they brought up the gifts, but if we did that, we still wouldn't have what they have.  They have that because they have to create it themselves.

We live in a world where beauty is handed to us on a silver platter (a beautiful one).  We show up to mass and expect to have a piano, a guitar, maybe a drum, an organ, and a sound system to hear it not just well, but perfectly.  We can manipulate the volumes and place speakers where they will be the most effective.  We have it easy.  

But they don't.  Sure, the landscape in South Africa may be beautiful, and there are places that are very wealthy.  But theirs is a different kind of wealth, and theirs is a different kind of poverty.  In order for them to have beauty, they have to create it themselves.  If they don't create it, they don't have it.  And that is the difference.  It is something that they are taught and that they experience their entire lives, and it shapes and forms who they are and how they worship.  If you want what they've got, you have to take everything that comes with it, and I'm just not sure that many of us are willing to have that.  I mean, after only ten days in Brazil, sleeping on the floor, not being guaranteed showers or flushing toilets, or clean teeth, we were ready and willing to give that up to go home to our comfortable lives.  They went home to conditions similar, if not worse, to what we experienced in Brazil.  And that is what makes them beautiful.  They don't settle for the ugly lives they could have, but instead, they create the beautiful lives that they do have.

After Mass, we got special permission to return to the school because apparently the boys' room was flooded!  Someone left the sink in their room on (probably because there was no water when they turned it on), and the sink overflowed and flooded their room.  We were all really worried for the boys, but it turned out to be a non-event for everyone except the one who was almost immediately under the sink.  "Flooded," we discovered, meant a little stream of water running down the room.  In fact, most of the boys weren't affected at all.  One boy took all of damage himself.  :(

I was irritated at this point, not that we went back to the dorms to help the boys, but because we stayed there.  I was extremely hungry, and it was now after 2:00 pm.  We hadn't eaten dinner the night before, and all I had had for lunch the day before was french fries.  The breakfast kits they gave us were not exactly substantial, and so I was in a really bad mood.  I wanted to go get food, but there appeared to be no rush to do that.  I think that I could have held it together a bit more if I hadn't smacked my head really hard on a low doorway (only to be laughed at by the cleaning lady who saw me do it).  Everything looked weird for a moment after I did it.  Between the hunger, being cold, the exhaustion, the frustration and the hitting of my head, I lost it.  I started crying, and for the next 24 hours, I couldn't stop myself.  I tried techniques I had heard to stop myself from crying, like swallowing.  That worked for me for a while.  But I just needed to cry it out.

A family of pigs, just walking down the street.  Thanks, Christa, for the picture!

We finally went to get lunch at a buffet that supposedly had all kinds of grilled chicken, but I didn't really see any of that.  But the rice and beans were good, and the chicken that I did get was good.  It wasn't much, but it did the trick.

The group was a little weary of going back into Rio on this day, because of the adventures from the day before.  Everyone (almost) tried to get out of going.  Our plan was to not go into the city, but to stay back at the parish center, but people were sleeping there, and so we would have had to be quiet.  We are not good at quiet.  So we ended up making a last minute decision to go into the city anyway.  We were going to have to do it eventually.  We might as well face our fears now.

It was raining and we were cold, but we made it to the Vocations Fair in relatively good time.  Guess who was there?!  Our very own Archbishop Aquila!  He was in the middle of giving an interview when we saw him, and because this was World Youth Day, where boundaries disappear, we pretty much just crowded around him, awkwardly watching him finish his interview, and waited until he could pay attention to us!  Yup.  We did that.

Thanks, Christa, for the picture!

 He was so happy to see us!  Like, so happy!  It was really touching!  He talked with us and took pictures with us, and he gave us a special blessing!  It was really cute!  After we took pictures with him, he wanted a picture on his own, personal, camera, too!  So we took a picture for him, too!  He was so proud of his Colorado kids!  That was really special!
 

Thanks, Kim, for the picture!

We went into the room where they were having XLT, and watched a cute little nun tell her story, which was followed by a priest, who told his story.  A woman named Danielle Rose played a song she wrote about Saints which was beautiful.  She had an amazing voice.  When the band (The Matt and Jacob Band?) played, Danielle Rose played the violin, and the combination was amazing!  They did great work!

Afterwards, we had Adoration, and then praise and worship, and then we got to go home.  Everyone was in a much better mood on the way home.  The ferry ride was actually fun.  I think that, had we stayed back at the parish center like we were going to, we would have just been cranky and pouty the whole time.  But going to the Vocations Fair and the XLT was a really good choice.  Who would have known that Archbishop Aquila would be there?  I think that we needed to see him.  It was nice to have a piece of home surprise us here in Rio.  I kind of think that he was really lonely at that time, too, and was excited to have a piece of his home there, too!  It served all of us!

We were finally starting to get the hang of traveling around in Rio.  Getting into Niteroi was much easier, but we got lost once we got there.  Last night we were lost in Rio, tonight we are lost in Niteroi.  What would tomorrow bring?

We asked a girl to help us, who conveniently spoke English.  She walked us to our neighborhood but refused to enter the neighborhood because it was too dangerous.  That was not exactly comforting to hear.  She also gave us a strict warning not to ever walk alone in there.  We took her advice, and quickly (and quietly) walked back to the school where we were safe.  Spirits were high again, and things were looking up.

Again, I was asleep maybe one minute after walking through those doors.  Complete, utter, exhaustion, but a little more hope!

World Youth Day - Day 4 (The Opening Ceremonies)

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I woke up on Tuesday with a lot of hope.  "Finally, today, our trip will begin.  Now it will be fun.  Now it will be spiritual.  Now it will be a pilgrimage."  That's what I thought.  Up until this point, it didn't feel like we had done anything yet.  We all had a lot of hope for the day.  

We woke up at 6:30 am.  My watch has a special "travel" setting, but somehow it got switched to normal time.  It was really weird to see that I was waking up at 3:30 am Colorado time.  It's too early!

I slept amazingly well.  I did wake up at 5:30 am when an alarm went off somewhere in the building.  Some of our "house mates" thought that everyone needed to wake up at the same time that they did.  It didn't bother me too badly.  I was so tired that I fell asleep immediately.  I may have woken up for less than a minute!  I did manage to hear dogs barking and roosters crowing during that minute.  Dogs run wild in Niteroi.  

Thanks, Christa, for the picture!!!

Thanks, Christa, for the picture!!!

We went to the place where we'd be having catechesis for the rest of the week to eat breakfast.  This was the first day we'd get to experience our (sarcasm alert) delicious and nutritious breakfast packs, that stayed pretty much the same every day.  They came in boxes and included packaged toast, a muffin thing, a chocolate milk thing, Nutella, etc.  I discovered that I actually like Nutella.  I've only tried it once before, and I was a little freaked out by it.  This Nutella was different because it was really really chocolatey.  Some people said that it was very different than American Nutella, which is mostly Nutmeg.  I don't love it as much as others, but I thought it was good.  After we ate, we kind of sat around for a little while, deciding what to do. 

Our breakfasts came in these boxes every day.

They were packed very neatly

Some kind of orange muffin thing.  Gross!!!

Packaged toast.  Probably the best part of the meal.

It was literally just toast

Cheese spread

Chocolate Milk

Cashew Apple Juice

 

 

 

Richard enjoyed his toast.  Christa looks like she didn't

Finally we got on a bus to head to the Copacabana Beach where the Opening Ceremonies and Mass would be held tonight.  We wanted really good seats, and everyone agreed that it was worth it to get to the beach early enough to save them.  We were racing 500,000 people for those spots, so we knew we'd be there for the long haul.  But luckily the place where we were waiting was the beach, which would be a fun place to hang out.  

It took a shockingly long time to get from Niteroi to Rio.  I could be wrong, but I think it was somewhere close to two hours that we spent on the buses.  I wasn't near my group on the longer, more crowded but, and when the bus is that crowded, being two seats away is a long distance, because there are actually about six people between you and that person. In crowds like that, you can't measure distance by feet or yards, you measure by how many people are between you and another.  We learned that lesson in a big way later in the day.

Richard faking happy on the crowded bus!!

This was the first, less crowded bus

One of my favorite moments so far happened on the bus that day.  People bring all sorts of things to trade at World Youth Day.  Flags.  Buttons.  Bracelets.  Ribbon.  Christa gave me one of her flags to trade, and a lady from Brazil saw it.  She asked if she could trade me for a Brazilian flag, and so I traded.  There was another girl from her group who really wanted to trade for an American flag, too, but I only had the one.  At first I told her no because I didn't have a flag to trade.  She made a frowny face and looked genuinely bummed out.  I kept wondering what I could trade her, but I really didn't have anything.  It was a little while later when I realized that I could ask Christa for another flag.  The problem was that she was at the back of the over crowded bus, and I was in the front.  But I managed to get the attention of a boy in our group, Zach, who passed the message back down the bus that I needed a flag.  It took a while.  Finally, I got the flag, and tapped the girl on the shoulder.  She was SO excited!  She took my picture, and I took hers!  It was a fun moment!  I loved making her so happy!  This was my first and only trade the entire week!

The picture is blurry :(  She was so happy!

The flag I traded for on the bus!

It was around noon when we arrived on the beach. It had been raining on and off during the walk from the bus to the beach, and that was a little discouraging.  But we were all really excited about the spot we got.  We were right up front, close to the stage.  We'd be able to see everything!  We started to make camp for the day, which was a lot of fun, actually. 

This is how close we were to the stage!  Amazing!

You can't look this tacky very often in your life

Posing in the worst outfit ever put together.  I look pretty awful here.  There's really nothing good!

 It was really refreshing to see all of the excitement in our own group.  This was the first day that I heard our group say, "I can't wait for..." and finish that sentence with something other than "bed," "a shower," "to brush my teeth," or something along those lines.  They were really excited for the opening mass!  To see all of the archbishops, to experience the real numbers for the first time!  That's one of the reasons we came here: to experience the global church.  Even though some people really dreaded the crowds, it was part of the purpose of our journey!  We were excited to see it begin!

Well, the waves were too rough to go swimming, but we still got to play in the edge of the water.  I can now say that I have stepped foot in the Atlantic Ocean!  Yay!  We had a lot of fun playing in the waves and the sand for a little while.  We really needed that I think!

Andrea, Christa, and me on Copacabana beach

We were surprised by the waves

"Papa" is the word for "Pope" in almost every other language

Our flags were huge.  We had one that was the American flag, which everybody recognized.  We had a Colorado flag, that only some Americans recognized, and we had a Spirit of Christ flag that only we recognized.  I was really impressed with the dedication that the group had with the flags.  They brought them everywhere and the flags were always in the air.  They were proud flag bearers!  Proud of their country.  Proud of their state.  Proud of their parish.  They made me proud of them.

We also had a couple of cool moments of bumping into people we know.  We ran into a teen from our program who went to World Youth Day with another parish.  And we ran into a group from Vermont who had befriended us once we got to Brazil.  Richard kind of knew the leader from the group from a long time ago, but they didn't know each other very well.  This is the first time that the Vermont group really helped us out.

We needed to eat, but we were afraid to lose our spot.  I think that our group would have happily skipped lunch in order to stay there, but the Vermont group graciously and generously offered to watch our belongings while we went to get lunch.  We took them up on that offer.  Father Chris and a couple of our teens who brought some food with them stayed behind, but the rest of us went to get lunch.

We couldn't find any place to eat that accepted our meal cards except for this one restaurant.  We were impatient and tired of looking, so we stopped there to eat. 

The food was really expensive, and not very exciting looking to me, so I just ordered french fries and a Fanta soda.  Little did I know they'd bring me a bucket of french fries!  They were good, though.  I wanted to conserve my money because I knew that we would want to spend a lot of money on the last day, and I didn't want to spend any more of my personal money than was necessary, so I just got a bucket of french fries!  I couldn't even finish them!

It took forever to get our check, and then it took forever to pay.  Paying for group meals is usually pretty difficult anyway, but it's much worse when you speak a different language.  Trying to explain what we ordered and how we were paying was a lot of work.

Earlier, Richard was standing in the waves, and a big wave came and got him really wet.  It was raining and pretty miserably cold at this point, and so he decided to go buy a warm sweater to wear during the opening ceremonies.  He had to go, but it left me alone with the teens again.  This was something that I was not excited about.  In fact, the whole reason I didn't want to come on this trip was because I knew that I am not good at this kind of thing.  I took the teens back to our camp, but some of them were also unprepared for the cold, so I let a group go to the Official World Youth Day shops, but I needed to get back to camp.  

The amount of people who arrived on the beach between the time when we left and the time when we came back was insane.  Luckily, we had Tyler with us, who is really smart about navigating through crowds like that.  He saw our flag, and took us on what seemed to be an unnecessarily long hike to the front of the crowd.  Then, those of us in the group held hands and started to make our way through the crowd.  Tyler taught me that people are far more likely to let you pass if you are moving backwards instead of forwards.  If you start in the front and work your way back.  Which makes a lot of sense.  People don't want you to cut in front of them.  If they've been waiting all day, they should not have to let you get better seats.  But if you're trying to move to the back, they will happily let you pass.  We made it back to our group in only minutes.

What we saw when we got back just broke my heart.  The group that stayed behind (both from Vermont and from our group) had to move all of our stuff into a big pile because people kept pushing their way around our stuff.  I guess that some people tried to steal from us, and they stopped that from happening.  They were very loyal to us, but very worn out.  They were stressed, and we had ruined what should have been a cool afternoon.  We were greatly in debt to that group, who sacrificed in huge ways for us.

Soon after I got back, I realized that we were very lucky for arriving back so smoothly.  All thanks to Tyler.  But I also realized that there were members of our group who were still not with us, and that worried me.  They didn't know the secret to moving through a crowd, and the crowd was pressing in on us.  There wasn't going to be enough room for everyone once we were all back.  I tried to think about how I could communicate with everyone, but there was no way except to leave the flag up so that they could find us.

A small group of teens showed up and informed me that one of the teens who was with them got separated and lost.  At this point, I was extremely worried.  And Richard wasn't with me yet.  I had no idea what to do.  I was upset.  I wasn't worried so much that this teen was in trouble.  There were so many people around watching that I doubted anybody would try to hurt anybody.  I was mostly worried that he wouldn't be able to find us.  There were so many people there.  And like I said before, you can't measure distances in crowds like that by feet or yards, you have to measure them by numbers of people.  The group who was with him when he got separated said that the reason the adults who were with them let them come back alone was because they were "so close," and yet it took them 45 minutes to get there.  Because "close" has different meaning when there are 2,000 people between you.  People who don't want to let you through because they think you are taking their spot.

I was very upset, but there was really nothing I could do.  We just had to sit and wait.  Eventually Richard came back, and then the group of adults who let the teens go alone.  We were also missing two other adults, but I wasn't super worried about them, because I kind of figured they gave up and would just meet us at the end of the night.  When the lost teen finally found us, I was so relieved.  He looked pretty relieved, too.  Two hours of searching in a crowd like that will do that to you.

Our group, reunited at last!

The crowd was amazing.  I think that all of us had the same thought:  this cannot be safe.  We could barely move.  There were so many people, so close together.  

This is what the jumbo-tron showed the crowd looked like!

There was some entertainment on stage to help us to get ready for the events.  Unfortunately we don't speak Portuguese, so we really didn't know what was going on.  We didn't even have transistor radios with us, so we couldn't hear the translation.  So we just stood in our spots and waited.  Occasionally someone would break into English and we'd hear what they were saying, but that was pretty rare. 

There was some music.  The most entertaining band was from India.  They sang about "Bringing out the boom" or something like that.  They were good, but I kept thinking, "The '80's called and they want their band back."  I was being really sarcastic and judgmental.  They also sang a song that repeated the word "Alleluia."  It was fascinating, because people from all different countries were able to participate in that song.  Every culture knows that word.

The procession of the Bishops!

Then the bishops came out.   I have this weird love of groups of priests.  I don't want this to be taken out of context, because I mean this in a very theological and orthodox kind of way.  Before I say it, let it be clear:  I do not want to be a priest, and I do not believe in women priesthood.  Please don't read this and accuse me of either of those things, because it is wrong.  But when priests are in groups during Mass (like at the Chrism Mass, Father Chris' ordination, Father Stephen's mom's funeral, etc), I just want to be with them.  In the middle of them.  Part of them.  I want to be surrounded by priests.  I don't want to be a priest, I just want to be among them.  I love listening to all of them pray the Eucharistic prayers together.  The sound of them praying is as soft as water in a creek, but as powerful as thunder.  It's beautiful.  I love it.  We got to see not just priests, but bishops and archbishops all grouped together, praying together!  Oh!  It was incredible!  It was so powerful!  Modern day apostles, and a lot of them, coming together for what?  For us!  It was something I may never see again in my life.  

Trying to have a good attitude with Tyler.

After they processed in, we got to pray the rosary with 500,000 people.  This was cool, but again, disappointing.  The rosary is one of my favorite prayers.  I absolutely love it.  And I was genuinely excited to have this moment to pray together with all of those people.  But it was hard.  Where I should have found beauty and power, I found stress and distraction.  We didn't have a transistor radio, and the languages kept changing.  They did each decade in a different language, each representing a different continent.  They had someone lead from South Africa, Australia, Switzerland, China and Argentina.  I kept trying to pray along in English, but I kept getting confused and lost.  Luckily, I know the prayers, so I don't need to be led, but I wanted to go at the same pace.  It was very challenging.  I found myself focusing more on the pace than on the prayer.

Trying to have a good attitude with Christa

Also, the people around us weren't taking it very seriously.  This was a serious moment, but it appeared to be a time to laugh and play.  I ended up giving up on praying, personally, because it was too difficult.  I am disappointed with myself for that, because I am better than that and I know it.  I was disappointed with myself even when it was happening, but I did it anyway.  It's a terrible way to be. 

The opening ceremonies began.  I would normally love this moment.  I love big, elaborate ceremonial things.  It's part of what I love about being Catholic.  Processions, flag ceremonies, music, dance, art:  these things make my heart swell.  But, again, it was very hard to get into.  We were so crowded.  We were wet from the rain.  We were cold.  The wind kept blowing.  It was quite stressful for me.  

They carried in the pilgrimage cross and the icon of Mary and placed them on stage where we would be celebrating mass.  Again, this is something that I would normally have loved, but it was lost on me here. 

I think that we were all relieved when mass started, because that meant that mass would soon be over.  It was amazing how, even though we didn't have the transistor radios to listen to the English translations, we always knew when to say our responses.  "Amen," "And with your spirit," "Thanks be to God," etc.  Other denominations can't really do that.  If you don't speak the language, you can't participate.  But in the Catholic (universal) church, you don't have to speak the same language to be able to pray together.  I felt like it was a reversal of the Tower of Babel.  We all understood.  It was beautiful

All of the bishops on stage together.  This is only part of the stage!

The Archbishop of Rio de Janiero gave the homily, which we dreaded and joked about while it was going on.  I felt guilty about that at the time, and I still do now.  There was no way that we could understand what was going on, but we could at least be praying silently to ourselves, receiving a personal homily from Jesus Himself.  But again, we gave up on trying.  Well, I gave up on trying.  I was really disappointed by that.

The Eucharistic prayers

When it came time for communion, there was chaos.  There was no good system for giving communion.  I don't have any suggestions as to what they could do.  They ran out of communion by the time we got anywhere near it.  I was ok with that, though.  I didn't feel like I participated in the mass enough to receive it in good conscience.  I flat-out gave up.  It wasn't good.

After mass ended, we had the amazingly difficult task of getting home.  Again, I don't know what suggestions I have for the next World Youth Day, but they need to find a better way to get us home.  There was no organization at all.  We had to stop every few feet to ask for directions, and nobody gave us the same advice.  At one point Richard was talking about splitting up the group to make it easier to move us.  I started to cry.  I did not feel safe with that option.  I needed either him or Father Chris with me, because I had no idea what to do.  

We ended up walking to the Subway, which took us to the ferry, which took us into Niteroi where we were able to catch a bus that took us home.  Four hours after the event ended, we were finally home.  Four.  Long.  Hours.

The thing is that we weren't the only group who had trouble getting back.  The England group got back only ten minutes or so before we did.  But we kind of acted like our struggle was far worse than other groups.  Yes, we had a much more difficult time than those staying in Rio.  But lot's of other people weren't staying in Rio, either, and they had to deal with the same stuff that we did.  It really frustrated me that we seemed to behave that way.

But I get it now.  We had been seriously lost for a while.  Once we figured out how to get on the Subway, and how to get on the ferry (which took about three hours), we learned that the buses we needed weren't running anymore.  We were lost.  We were in a scary part of town.  We were cold.  We were tired.  And the event had been a bit of a let-down.  Of course we are going to be deflated.  And I think that what was the most disappointing thing was that we really felt like the World Youth Day Council were the ones who let us down by putting us in this town that was so clearly unsafe, with little-to-no help for getting home.  There was a really scary moment when I actually believed we were going to spend the night at the bus station.  That shouldn't have happened, and it wasn't our fault, it was the fault of the World Youth Day Council.  We did not have the support that we needed.  

I realize that we were in the same position as many others, but that doesn't make their position correct either.  There are a lot of poor people in Brazil, but that doesn't mean that poverty is correct.  Just because this is a pilgrimage and not a vacation does not mean that our safety should be at stake.  

It was a miserable evening.  Just awful.  But we did come here on pilgrimage and not vacation.  We came to push ourselves to be uncomfortable as a purification.  The goal is sanctification.  The world we live in is all about comfort and ease.  But holiness is not.  We got a taste of that on this night.  I think that is the night when many people in our group started to want to give up on the rest of the pilgrimage.  I think that this is the night when most of us wanted to just throw in the towel, rent a hotel room and have some fun.  But, as the saying goes, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."  We are tough.  We proved it during this trial.  We can prove it again.  This pilgrimage was only ten days long, but it was supposed to represent our entire lives.  Our lives are simply a pilgrimage, with the goal being heaven.  The consequences of giving up on the bigger pilgrimage is much worse.  If we can't even make it ten days, there is no hope for the rest of our lives.  It's not easy.  It's not supposed to be easy.  But it is worth it.  

I was asleep probably one minute after I walked in the doors of the school that night.  There was sand everywhere from being on the beach that day.  I wiped my feet with some wet wipes (thank God for wet wipes) and got a small fraction of the sand off of them, and fell asleep.  And I slept well. Today was like a pilgrimage within the pilgrimage, and sleep was Heaven.  

I pray that my memories of this day aren't just the bad parts.  I was really amazed at the bishops, the rosary (even though I struggled to pray it, I still heard it and took in the importance of that moment), the global Church being able to participate in mass together without speaking the same language.  I even really enjoyed playing on the beach and trading my flag.  It's amazing how the bad things reign over my memories.  They dominate and crush the good.  I don't want it to be all about the bad.  I pray that happens soon!