It's about Compassion, Not Advice (a rant)

I don't want your stinking advice!

I recently learned that I have a mold problem in my house. Every time I tell someone about it, this is what happens:

Me: I have mold.
Them: You know what you should do...?

Yes! I know what I should do!!!! Goodness gracious, how stupid do you think that I am??? Am I really so dumb that I don't know I should call my insurance? All of the advice that people give me is stuff that I already know. And it's really insulting, frustrating, and, well, I hate everything about it.

This is when it is really difficult to be single. I have nobody to live through this with me. I have a lot of people who are looking into the situation, without knowing the intimate details of my finances, telling me that my finances are going to be ok. They don't know how much I sacrifice in order to live a financially responsible life. How I don't have any fun because I can't afford it. I know, I could give up my $8/month Netflix like one friend suggested (like saving $8/month is going to solve all of my problems). I don't need advice. I need a friend.

My life is boring. I am boring. And I am so afraid that this situation has DOOMED me to stay that way forever. I feel like my life is over.

The word compassion means "to suffer with." The problem with advice-givers is that they don't want to suffer with you, they want to fix you. But there is a lot of emotional stuff that goes along with this. It's bigger than a money problem. It's beyond their ability to fix.

What I need is a teeny tiny bit of compassion. I need someone to try to put themselves in my shoes. I need someone to say, "that sounds really hard," "how do you feel about this?" or even, "I love you."

I wonder why we are so quick to jump to giving advice. Advice is only helpful if it's helpful. People want to give advice and have the person hearing the advice just take it, no questions asked. The priority becomes for them to be right, rather than helping a friend.

See, I'm already scared enough right now. I'm already frustrated. I'm already sad and grieving over a life that I fear is being taken away from me because of this situation. I am already feeling regret over buying this house that I thought was a "good investment." Please don't insult me with your "advice." Please don't be pushy and force me into action when I'm not ready for that yet. Please don't stop listening to me when I say that I'd like to sell my house (to which you'll reply, "but it's a good investment." Really? Is it now? When I have a stress-induced heart attack and die at the age of 40, alone, sad, and bored with my life, are you REALLY going to get up at my funeral and say that this was a good investment? That it was worth the stress it caused me, that killed me? I don't think so. It isn't worth my life).

Sometimes, when something happens, you need to take a moment and just sit with it. To gather your strength so that you can fight the battle at hand. Maybe this isn't an actual life-or-death situation, but in some aspects it is. I really do feel like any chance I had for a social life is now gone. Eliminated entirely from my life. I am afraid that this means that I will never date, and therefore never marry. It impacts so many parts of my life. Let me take a moment. Let me be still. Be still, but not alone. Be still with me. Don't boss me around. Don't tell me what to do. Just be my friend. Have compassion.

Jesus was perfect at having compassion. He came to Earth as a human and He definitely suffered with (and for) us. He loved us like that. Let us stop giving advice right away, and start loving.

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