Dear Planet Fitness...You are NOT Judgement Free

Dear Planet Fitness,

When I first heard about your "Judgement Free" policy, I thought that sounded really kind of nice.  Although I am a person who enjoys exercise and fitness, I have always been intimidated by those who are more knowledgeable about fitness than I am.  I have always been intimidated by free weights, and, even though I know and believe that free weights are better for you than machines, I have always used the machines instead because of my fear of looking stupid.  Somehow, through a commercial or a friend who used your gym, I'm not really sure how, but somehow I heard about your policy on judgement, and it sounded good.

So I joined your gym.

I joined on a particularly busy afternoon, which was good for you, because your employees were too busy to give me a tour around the gym.  Had they, I would NOT have joined.  The employee told me that I could go and look around, and I did for like, a second, and then I decided to join.  They had pretty much everything I wanted.  Ok, they had treadmills and they were cheap, and that's all I really cared about at that time.

I did my first workout that day.  I was mid workout when I heard this loud, scary alarm.  I thought that maybe it was a fire alarm or something.  I had no idea what I was hearing.  I looked around to see if anybody knew about the evacuation protocol, as I assumed we would have to evacuate.  But nobody did anything.  Nobody even looked concerned.  Nobody really cared.  That's when I saw it.  The "Lunk Alarm."  Someone had set it off. I was alarmed, but since nobody else seemed to be, I figured it was just something I missed in my rushed sign-up process, and I continued with my work-out, praying that it wasn't because of me or anything I did.

What I came to learn was that that alarm is set off when someone is acting like a "Lunk."  When someone is grunting, dropping weights, wearing obnoxious clothes, etc.  When someone is behaving like a scary, intimidating exercise-aholic.  These people, apparently, are called "Lunks."

This did not set well with me. 

What I came to realize was that you were, in fact, judging these people called "Lunks."  So much so that you publically humiliated someone.  A loud, blinking alarm would go off to show everyone, "Hey, look, there's a Lunk present."  To me, it sounded a lot like judgement.

At first, I let it go. I figured it must be a rare occassion when someone sets off the Lunk Alarm.  But it wasn't rare.  In fact, every single time I visited that gym, I'd hear it several times.  It was distracting.  It always startled me.  And what's worse was that it affected my time there.

I became afraid that I would set off the Lunk Alarm, and that everyone's attention would be brought to me, and that I would be embarrassed.  I joined that gym so that people would NOT notice what I was doing.  And there it was, this ever-present, looming risk of everyone looking at me.

Is that what you really wanted?

To be "judgement free" is not a good thing.  It's ok to judge people's actions.  It's ok to say that lunks are intimidating (that is a judgement).  It's ok to say that Lunks aren't welcome, if that's what you're going for.  But that's your judgement.  And it's not being "judgement free."

When I saw one of your commercials, I couldn't believe it.  Look at it:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPwG7Rd9oHU.  Now, first of all, I've never been to a gym where people acted like they do in those commercials.  Also, they are blatantly making fun of those so-called "Lunks."  They are degrading to them.  They are rude.  You know who is the problem?  YOU are. 

Like I said, I'm ok with it if you don't want those people to be in your gym.  But you know, you should show them a little bit of dignity, even if you don't like them.  Wouldn't YOU expect the same?

I am no longer a member of your gym, because YOU intimidated me with YOUR judging.  YOU made me even more afraid to try the free-weights than I would have been without your alarm.

Be judgement free, or don't.  But don't pretend to be when you aren't.  Your selling a product you aren't providing, and because of it, you lost a customer. 

Krissy

Say Something

Do you ever just need someone to say something NICE to you?  Something kind?  Something good?

I do.

I feel like people have lost the ability to give real compliments.  People are so quick to criticize these days.  And their criticisms are extremely specific, whereas, their compliments are not.  For instance, "The way you decorated this room is really nice."  Well, WHAT is nice?  WHAT do you like?  Do you like the picture frame I picked out?  Or the place I put it?  Or the color for the wall?  Or the couch color?  WHAT do you like about this "Nice" room?  But, if they have a criticism, it's extremely specific.  "This chair doesn't match the rest of the room."  Really?  I hadn't noticed.

I have been getting my feelings hurt a lot lately.  I feel like there is just nothing good about me.  People tell me so often that I am weird.  Or that I am "such a red-head," whatever that means.

There's a Christmas movie that is played on Hallmark, where the single mom says that all she wants for Christmas is for a stranger to compliment her.  When I heard that in the movie (last year), I thought, "Me, too!"

I often talk about how Catholics aren't supposed to be "nice."  We are supposed to tell the Truth, and sometimes the Truth isn't nice.  But you know what?  Sometimes it is.  To paraphrase Ephesians 4:29, we should only say things that are helpful.  "White-lies" aren't helpful, but real compliments are.  And, it's just been so long since someone has said something truly nice, without sarcasm, without adding something critical afterwards, that I feel like, I don't know, like I'd just crumble and die if it happened.  A pure compliment.

I'd like to challenge you to do this for the people in your life.  All the people.  And, if there is someone in your life who really annoys you, who you really can't stand, who you fight with a lot, then work extra hard to compliment them for real.  But do it.  It'll be good for that person, because, they probably need to hear it.  But it'll be good for you, too.  What do you say?  Give it a try!

My Thoughts on Fall

I can be kind of mean sometimes.  I have to preface this post with that sentence because, you're going to see me be mean today.  I am, honestly, ashamed of my meanness.  But, alas, it happens.  And it's going to look like I am proud of it because of the fact that I am writing this today.  Also, another disclaimer is that this is not exactly a "Catholic" post.  It's just something that I think. 

I once "Unfriended" someone from Facebook because they responded to a post that I wrote about hating fall with this hashtag, "#campaigntoendfallhate."  Like, I am not allowed to have the personal opinion that fall is annoying.  That I am not allowed to dislike fall.  I'm sorry, but since when am I not allowed to not enjoy a season of the year?

Granted, that "friendship" was bit of a joke always anyway.  That girl hurt my feelings a lot of the time with insensitive, un-compassionate comments.  Everything was always about her, and sometimes I needed things to about me.  Although our Facebook friendship ended with this comment, there was, in fact, a lot of things that contributed to the demise of our friendship.  But it was still a mean reason for me to un-friend her. 

Anyway, I hate fall.  And one of the reasons that I hate fall is that it turns people into pretentious snobs.  Like my friend.  I tried explaining to her that I don't like that I always get sick, and that I don't like Pumpkin flavored things, and that I am not a big fan of wet leaves, and that I don't have cute clothes or money to buy cute clothes (which are very expensive), and so I don't get to participate in fall-clothes season.  And even if I could, I would feel self-conscious and ugly because someone would inevitably tell me that something didn't look good or that it didn't match or something.  And I'd be embarrassed and hate myself and never want to come back outside again.

Plus, fall means that winter is just around the corner.  And I hate winter.  I hate it so much.  I dread it.  It makes me sad.  It makes me angry.  It makes me frustrated.  I don't like the snow.  I don't like the cold.  I don't like wind.  I don't like worrying about pipes bursting, or cars crashing, or tree branches falling, or slipping on ice.  I.  HATE.  WINTER.  Which is another opinion that I'm not allowed to have.

When I tell someone that I hate winter, they say, "Why do you live in Colorado, then?"  When I try to preemptively explain that I'd like to move away from Colorado so that they don't ask that question, they say, "Well where would you move?"  No answer I give satisfies.  "Florida is too humid," "Arizona is too dry," "Hawaii is so expensive."  There are bugs and old people or young partiers or it's too hot or whatever.  So, they always make me feel stuck here.  They always make me feel trapped.

Sometimes I try to suppress these feelings, but, alas, that isn't healthy, either.

I just wish that people would be nice.  And I feel like fall brings out the mean in people.  Nobody is ever nice to me in the fall.  If one person, ONE PERSON, would say to me, "Gosh, it's tough to live in a place that you don't enjoy all year 'round, I'm sorry that you feel that way," then I'd feel so much better.  I would feel listened to, encouraged, supported and understood.  But no.  It's always, "How can you hate fall!?!?!?"  Like I'm a freak.  Or wrong.  Or stupid.  Or all of those things.

But I hate the fall.  And I hate fall-people.  So, if you like the fall, that's great.  You can like it all you want.  And when you express that to me, my response will probably be something like this, "That's great.  I'm so glad that we're in a season you love."  Because, you know what?  It's ok for you to have a different opinion than mine.  And I don't need to take away from your joy by telling you about my frustration.  It's not the time for that.  But, if I tell you that I don't like fall (which I probably won't do unless there's a reason that's really bothering me at the time), then please, just don't be a jerk.  Please.  Pretty please.  Sometimes, you just need to let me have my own opinion. 

Beauty and the Beast - a Defense

I've written a lot of really serious posts lately, so it's about time to lighten up a bit.  So here's a topic that is near and dear to me, but many might find silly, immature and/or unworthy of their time.  Maybe it is.  But it's something that I NEED to get off my chest.

Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorite movies, and all the feminists out there who think that there are problems with that, well, so be it.  But their reasoning is wrong.  Just...wrong.

I am going to write this with the assumption that you have seen the Disney version of this movie, and that you are familiar with the basic plot and characters.

Ok, first, I am going to look past the obvious faults with the movie, that the Prince was only 11 years old, with no parents, in a big castle, all alone when this spell happened.  Although, to be fair, the whole "stranger danger" thing doesn't really hold when you live in a castle full of people who can look out for you.  He could have put her up in a different part of the castle, sent a guard to keep an eye on her, and send her away when it wasn't "bitter cold" out.  I am going to ignore the fact that the kingdom that he was supposedly in charge of didn't ever know what happened, nor did they bother to find out.  He was obviously in a dysfunctional kingdom.  I am going to ignore the fact that Belle's parents were not really in the picture.  Her mom was...dead?  Her dad was eccentric to the point that he was irrelevant.  Ineffective.  I am going to ignore the fact that Belle fell in love with a literal beast.

In college, I actually paid to take a class called "Disney's Women and Girls."  Thank you, CU Boulder, for my fine education.  It was a Women's Study's course, which, I just don't believe in.  But, I LOVE Disney, and since we got to watch a Disney movie DURING class every week, I thought that the class might actually be fun.  Little did I know how irritated I would become in this class.  I think that Disney is not the evil corporation that everyone thinks it is.

One thing that my class discussed was that Beauty and the Beast is a bad movie for girls because it, apparently, teaches young girls that, if they stay in abusive relationships long enough, and are nice enough, then the man will just change.  Poof.  Just because she is nice.

Now, I don't know if I saw a completely different movie than everyone else in the world, but when was Belle NICE to the Beast?  At what point?  Because, early on, the first night in the castle, he asks her to dinner.  A "nice" response would be to say, "ok, yes, of course, whatever you say."  But she did not.  She said no.  And she stood by her no.  She only started being nice to the Beast when he saved her life.  It was when she was about to be attacked by the wolves after she ran away, and he chased her down, fought the wolves himself, got injured, and she helped him get back to the castle and took care of his wounds.  That was the first time when she was "nice" to him.  After he earned that right.

AND EVEN THEN!!!...she STILL defended herself.  He lost his temper and growled at her, and she got in an argument with him, and she finally told him that he has to control his temper.  She totally won that argument.  Would a "nice" girl?  No!  A "nice" girl would just let him talk to her however he wanted, and she wouldn't defend herself or stand up for herself.  She wouldn't be willing to put herself out there and say what needs to change.  But, she was finally nice when she thanked him, very sincerely, for saving her life.

So did that change him?  She was nice, and POOF!  He was nice?  Nope!  Let me ask you, why do you think he wanted to fall in love?  He fell in love because he wanted to break the spell.  He changed because he knew that, in order for her to fall in love with him, he'd have to do things differently.  And so he made those changes to help, not only him, but people he truly did care about.  Lumiere, Mrs. Potts, Cogsworth...we see how these characters are important to him throughout the whole movie.  These are the people he goes to for advice.   And they coach him.  They teach him how he needs to change.  From superficial things to more meaningful things, they give him well rounded advice for winning her heart.

From IMDB...

Beast: Oh, it's no use. She's so beautiful, and I'm... Well, look at me!
Mrs. Potts: Oh, must help her to see past all that.
Beast: I don't know how.
Mrs. Potts: Well, you can start by making yourself more presentable. Straighten up. Try to act like a gentleman.
[Beast stands up straighter]
Lumiere: Ah, yes. When she comes in give her a dashing, debonair smile. Come, come, show me the smile.
[Beast gives a big, forced smile]
Mrs. Potts: But don't frighten the poor girl!

Lumiere: Impress her with your rapier wit.
Mrs. Potts: But be gentle.
Lumiere: Shower her with compliments.
Mrs. Potts: But be sincere.
Lumiere: And above all...
Mrs. Potts, Lumiere: You must control your temper!

I mean, you don't get much more varied advice on love than you do from asking Mrs. Potts and Lumiere!  Talk about opposing!  But, they don't oppose each other!  They balance each other.  Actually, it's more like they complete each other.   Compliment each other?  I think, in a unique way, they do all of those things!

He even gets love advice from Cogsworth.  He seeks help from anybody who will give it.   Granted, Cogsworth's advice is not great, or even good.  But, at this point, the Beast has learned a thing or two, and he knows exactly what to give Belle, a library.  And she loves it, of course!  It's fits her personality, her likes, her passions, perfectly.  He gave her something that only one who truly knows and loves another can give...he paid attention.

There is a great line from the musical version of Beauty and the Beast, that speaks so clearly about the beast.  The words say,

No beauty could move me
No goodness improve me
No power on earth, if I can't love her
No passion could reach me
No lesson could teach me
How I could have love her and made her love me too
If I can't love her, then who?

Think about that.  He recognizes that this is his only shot.  He has a chance here and now for love, but he despairs, because it's not just enough for one to fall in love with the other, they have to fall in love with each other.  Belle is a very good person.  She is beautiful, kind, loving, passionate, intelligent, and...I mean...she has such a capacity to love that she was willing to give up her freedom for someone she loves.  The Beast knows that if he can't fall in love with someone as good as she, well then there is no hope for him at all.  He has to truly love.  It has to be pure.  And, as we see, it is. He lets her go right when the spell would be broken.  As far as he was concerned, her leaving - EVEN IF SHE WAS PLANNING ON RETURNING - would be too late.  It would doom him and all of his friends, probably some family (even if "distant" family).  They were all counting on this, the pressure was on, and he let her go.  He set her free.  But he did not know that true love comes only when the person is free to love.  Free to leave.  Free to say yes.  Free to say no.  Until then, she had been his prisoner.  Once he set her free, only then could she truly love.

I believe, whole heartedly, that this movie, this story, this show, is great.  I love it.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about these things.  IS that bad though?  IS it a waste of my time?  To be fair, you can make anything have a bad message if you want.  People are out to villianize Disney.  Granted, there are some blatantly racist things in some of their earlier movies.  But, for the most part, Disney has good messages, good lessons to teach our kids.  We just have to take the time to talk to them, to help them with their critical thinking, to teach them the Truth.  They will eventually grow lenses to find it for themselves. 

It Moves Us All

Lions are my favorite animal.  They are strong, majestic, smart, beautiful creatures.  I love lions.  I wrote a whole retreat one time based off of the great scene in the movie The Lion King, where Mufasa comes down in the clouds to encourage Simba.  It's a great scene and a total metaphor for prayer.  It's perfect.

Cecil the Lion was killed recently to be a hunting trophy, and it is something that has created a lot of very strong and intense reactions in a lot of people across our country.

Cecil the Lion

As a Catholic who hangs out in Catholic groups and reads Catholic articles and sees Catholic friends post about Catholic issues, I have seen one very strong reaction that bothers me greatly.  The reaction that I see from Catholics is basically a response to the belief that animal conservationists are somehow "the" problem.  That animal rights and human rights somehow oppose each other, and that human rights are all that matters.  I'm sure that this happened from the other side, too.  That animal rights people claimed that animal rights is the most important. 

As far as I know, there isn't a name for people like me.  I am neither an animal conservationist, nor, well, anti-animal conservationist.  But I do love animals.  I do believe in treating them with the kind of dignity that they deserve.  They are not equal to humans by any means.  Human life has the most dignity because we are made in the Image and Likeness of God.  Therefore, we have great, unique, dignity.  But animals have dignity, too.  A certain kind of dignity.  They are not made in God's Image and Likeness, but they are made by God, and you betcha He loves them, too. We have an obligation to protect and care for God's creation, no matter if it's plants, animals, the Earth, or even space.  God gave us these things to use for our actual physical lives, for our enjoyment, for our amazement, and to give Him glory.  He did not give us these things so that we could abuse them.

Because I believe that God gave us these things to help us live, I am not opposed to hunting.  God gave us animals to eat.  But not all animals are created equally.

As a child/teen, I often heard that Taco Bell uses horse meat in its taco meat.  Appalled by this, many people claimed that they would never eat there.  I had no way of knowing if these things that I heard were true (note, I didn't hear this because of a newspaper article, or a news story, or on the radio, I heard it from my friends, who were my age, and basically knew nothing about how the world worked or what was real).  All I knew was that everyone who heard this had a very strong reaction to it.  Including myself.  And it made me curious.

Why, in the minds of so many people, is it ok to eat a chicken, but not a dog?  Why is it ok to eat a turkey, but not a cat?  Why is it ok to eat a cow, but not a horse?  Those last two are even rather similar to each other, don't you think?  I just never really understood the reasoning.  I felt the same way, though.  I felt that it is wrong to eat a dog, a cat, and a horse. 

Not all animals are created equal.  And we, humans, are a primary example of that.  We alone are animals made in the Image and Likeness of God.  If we are separate, aren't other animals kind of separate from each other as well?

Cecil the Lion died as a result of hunting.  I am not opposed to hunting.  I do believe, though, that there are animals you hunt, and animals you don't hunt.  And lions should be, in my opinion, on the "no-hunt" list.

But it's hard to understand why.  Where is that line?  When does it become ok to hunt and eat an animal, and when is that not ok?  I can't tell you.

As far as I know, the Bible is silent on this issue.  The Bible is NOT silent on the issue of protecting God's creation, though.  In fact, it says right away in the Bible, "The LORD God then took the man and settled him in the garden of Eden, to cultivate and care for it" (Genesis 2:15). 

Adam, who, at the time was ALL of mankind (Eve had yet to be created) was in charge of taking care of the Earth!  That was his job, and was/is therefore the job of all of humanity!  He was to cultivate and care for it!  It's part of being made in the Image and Likeness of God!  We have forgotten who we are...we are men and women, created in God's Image and Likeness, created with the responsibility and JOY of protecting and caring for the Earth. 

"You have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten me...You are more than what you have become."

When people abuse this role, it becomes sinful.  So we unjustly hurt animals, people, and the most precious kinds of people...unborn babies.

I don't think that these two groups have to be on opposing teams.  And although the abortion issue is a top priority, I don't think that negates the animal and environmental issues, either.  If we don't take care of our planet, this planet will kill us.  It will become so polluted, there will be so little food left, that human kind will die off.  Taking care of the environment is part of the Pro-Life Movement!  WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM!!!!!!!! 

When any of God's creatures/creation is abused, it SHOULD move us all!  We should all be outraged!  Not just the animal rights people.  Not just the pro-life people.  All of us, together, should be scandalized.

I think that the Cecil thing was blown out of proportion, but that doesn't matter.  What does matter is that we use this bad thing to start re-energizing us about what's important.  Picking fights about who is better or who is worse is a waste of energy.  If you are working at protecting God's creation, then you are doing a good thing.  Let's stop fighting each other and start working together to make this world a healthier, holier, better place!  We can do this!

Finally

Those of you who know me might be surprised by my reaction to the Planned Parenthood situation when I first heard about it.  I got onto Facebook (unfortunately, I get most of my news from Facebook) and read a heading that basically said that Planned Parenthood was caught selling baby parts in an undercover video.  I wasn't shocked.  On the contrary, I was relieved.

Finally.

They did it to themselves.

Planned Parenthood did for themselves what those in the Pro-Life movement have been trying to do for decades.  They proved that abortion is horrifying.  They proved that those babies have life.  They proved that abortion is wrong.

Planned Parenthood has done for this country (I can't say the world yet, because genocide happens across the world all the time, even when the validity of the life of the person is not a question) what nobody in the pro-life movement could do.  They, themselves, are the cause of new and intriguing conversations.  They, themselves, are the reason so many have decided to stop funding them, why so many are encouraging our nation as a whole to do so, too.

They are going to revolutionize the pro-life movement.

Although I was relieved, I could not celebrate what happened, because it was so horrible.  I always believed that the only way that people would really see how bad abortion is, would be if something truly appalling happened.  I had no idea it would be this.  Evil can only reign for so long.  It gets greedy, it gets sloppy, it goes too far, it pushes too fast before its victims are truly, fully, on board, and it makes mistakes.  It gets caught.  It always has and it always will.  I knew that the good men and women who fight for the lives of unborn babies could only do so much.  That doesn't mean that I thought that they should give up, it just meant that, something either miraculous or horrible was going to have to take place.  Sadly, it was the horrible.  But sometimes that's just how it has to go.  Sometimes evil destroys itself.

The abortion conversation is far from over, but a softening of hearts has taken place, and I believe that we can run with that.  Even some of the most pro-"choice" people out there have agreed that what Planned Parenthood has done is wrong.  Disgusting.  Horrifying.  Evil.  Those who haven't admitted that are in denial, stubborn/prideful, or actually corrupt.  The first two will eventually come around.  The later, well, we gotta keep those folks in our prayers in a big way.  I'm not saying they won't come around eventually.  Saint Paul can be their patron Saint.  If God could change Paul's heart, He can change theirs. 

As terrible as this whole thing is, it might just be the thing that ends it all.  All those little babies, the uncorrupt, souls who never sinned, never hurt anyone, never caused any harm, all of them are in Heaven praying for this situation like we don't know or understand.  With that many prayers, we can be assured that evil will not win this fight.  Good always wins.  This just might be the tipping off point.

I decided not to use any pictures in this post.  There are so many graphic graphics going around surrounding this issue, sometimes we just need a break.  Celebrate this victory, mourn over those who were lost, rest your eyes from the images you've seen, and then get back out there and fight for what's right.

Love Wins

I have to preface this post by saying that this is really hard for me to do.  Several years ago I posted about same-sex marriage, which revealed a few things about my relationships with some friends.  I learned that the friends who I met through a Catholic Church at a Catholic event with mostly Catholics in attendance, were so against the teachings of the Catholic Church that they were willing to actually tell me that we could no longer be friends because I believe in the Catholic Church's teachings on same-sex marriage (actually, to clarify, I believe in ALL of the teachings of the Catholic Church, which just happens to include these teachings on same-sex marriage).  I was actually un-invited to a very close friend's wedding - a female friend who was marrying a man - simply because I believe and stand for the Church's teachings.  It was a very painful experience for me.  It is because of this that I am hesitant to express my views on this topic.  My views, which are not new or even really insightful.  But, alas, I feel like I should probably say them anyway.  I know what you're thinking...

Ok!  Ok!  I'll stop procrastinating.

I don't hate gay people.  In fact, I don't hate any person.  Although I hate the things that some people do, I tend to be very compassionate towards even the worst people, people who actually do bad things on purpose, with the intention of hurting others, like criminals.  The fact that there are criminals and bad people and people who want to hurt people, means that there is a problem that is bigger than just that particular situation (sorry to be so repetitive, but you're going to see that a lot in this post).  A person is not just born a bad person.  They are made bad by circumstances in their lives.  We, those who live with, nearby, and even far away from criminals still contribute to their choices.  There is a whole society and world to blame for the fact that some people turn into "bad" people. 

Now, somebody is inevitably going to say that because I talked about "bad people" in a post about gay marriage, that I "obviously" think that gay people are bad.  Sorry.  That is not what I think.  It was just an example to show that I really don't believe in the idea of "bad" people at all.  I believe that we are all created "good."  I believe that if you polled every person alive and asked the question, "Is love good?" and "Is love valuable?" and "Would our world be better if everyone just loved one another?" and "Do you like love?" every person would say yes to those questions.  People want love.  They long for love.  They crave it.  What people can't agree upon is the definition of love.  And that is where we have a problem.  People aren't bad.  People don't want evil, sin, injustice, hunger or pain.  I believe in the goodness of people.

My point is, I don't hate gay people.  I don't hate people.  But I do think that sin is sin, no matter the circumstances surrounding it.  Most gay people have the idea that marriage is about love, that it is an expression of love, and that it is therefore, not only a right, but almost a necessity.  The world needs love!  How true that is!  They think, with good intentions, that marriage is about increasing the love in the world.  If that were true, trust me, I'd be on board with same-sex marriage, too.

Uh oh!  I said hell!  To clarify:  I don't think that just because a person is gay or supports gay marriage, that they are going to hell.  Read the next paragraph for an explanation as to why.  This picture was simply meant to bring about the point that good intentions, like I talked about previously, can lead to bad things.

I don't think that gay people are evil.  I don't think that, in general, they are out to hurt anybody intentionally.  Some Catholics act like gay people are out to get them.  That they are just such bad people that they are trying to sell the world to the devil.  Many gay people act like Catholics are out to get them.  Like we are out to ruin their way of life as a power trip.  That we hate them and therefore want to hurt them.  Honestly, I don't think that there are many people in the world who actually want to hurt others.  Frequently, hurt comes as a result of a misunderstanding, which seems to be the case here.  I think that gay-marriage is bad for the world for a number of reasons, but mostly because I believe it is sinful, and anytime anybody sins, it just increases the evil in the world - whether or not the person intends to increase the sin in the world or not.  I just don't think that they see it that way, and so there is a big misunderstanding.  But, I do believe in a loving and merciful God, who, at our moments of death, will show us the ways we have mistakenly and unintentionally hurt others, and He will give us a chance to make amends for those things, to choose Him, and to choose life.  All of us have hurt people without meaning to do so.

See, to me, purity is a big deal.  Self-control is a big deal.  And I practice those things regularly.  If you know me, you know that I believe that purity is important.  I am very careful about protecting my purity, and the purity of those around me.  I, too, feel the burden of loneliness as a result of living a pure lifestyle.  I have felt that loss.  I felt that loss today even.  Being 30, single, and pure is hard, and it feels impossible to ever find someone my age who also holds these values as dearly as I do.  Maybe I never will.  I have grieved over non-existent relationships, events I had to attend alone, embarrassing conversations with people who don't understand why I believe what I believe.  So, when I advocate for purity, know that I am not just telling others to do something that I have not experienced myself.

I know that gay people say that it's not a choice, and I'm not suggesting that it is a choice.  That feeling feelings for someone is not something that you can control.  I'm not saying they can control that part of it.  I am saying that they must control their actions.  Just like I must control my actions when I have feelings for someone who doesn't reciprocate those feelings.

There are a lot of people who are born with circumstances that are outside of their control.  There are people who are born into poverty.  Those people are still expected to live virtuous lives.  There are people who are born with diseases.  Those people are still expected to live virtuous lives.  There are people who are born with parents who are addicted to drugs.  People who have depression.  People who have physical disabilities.  They are still expected to live virtuous lives.  None of these things are things that God created for us.  There is a difference between the way that God created you, and the way that you were born.  God created you good.  He created you perfectly.  He did NOT create us with original sin.  But we are born with it.  Jeremiah 1:5 says

You see?  "Before you were formed, I knew you!"  BEFORE!  God created you perfectly, but original sin is fast, and it gets into our DNA and changes what God started.  Psalm 139:13 says,

God created you and everyone perfectly, but sin caused us harm.  So often people say things like, "You were created with cancer for a reason, to teach others how to suffer with joy."  That's just not true.  You were not created with any defects, pain, or illness.  You were just born that way.  And God used your circumstances to bring Him glory, to bring others joy, to spread love.  God can use you even in the bleakest of circumstances.  Just like Joseph did in Genesis, He can use your bad situation for good.

A person who is born gay might be born that way, but they were not created by God that way.  God did not "give" this to any person.  And yes, they still are expected to live a virtuous life, which includes purity.  It includes chastity.  You cannot make the excuse, "Well, I was born this way" to defend immoral living.  The Bible makes it abundantly clear that homosexual acts are sinful.  They go against God's Divine Design.  They aren't what we are created for.  Marriage is supposed to bring about life through children, and children are an impossibility in the case of gay marriage.  It's as simple as that.

Earlier this summer, when the gay-marriage laws passed in the Supreme Court, everywhere you looked you saw the hashtag "lovewon."  But that wasn't my experience that day.  I didn't see love on social media, in the stores, or anywhere I looked.  I saw people being horrible to one-another.

There are two realities here.  One is that Jesus, aka God, aka Love, conquered 2,000 years ago.  Yes, love already won the war.  But it is our job to fight the battles.  And I'll tell you what, I have seen so many battles where love lost.  Battles where love lost because Catholics were using their words and their actions to needlessly increase pain and suffering among the gay community, and I have seen love lose because gay people and same-sex marriage supporters used their words and actions to needlessly increase the pain and suffering among those who oppose them.  In fact, in both cases, some even appear to take pleasure in increasing the pain and suffering.  It's one thing to cause pain and suffering in order to correct a bad situation (like a doctor must increase pain and suffering in a patient by performing surgery, but that surgery ultimately heals the person and increases their joy later), it's another thing entirely to try to hurt someone for the sake of hurting them, or because it brings you joy.

Catholics, come on!  Be better than you've been.  All of you (note, I include myself in the "all of you" category).  We can correct bad behavior without attacking a person's dignity.  You don't have to be nice, but don't be cruel.  Honestly, we, as a group, have been losing the fight of love for a long time.  We haven't always been compassionate.  We haven't always been willing to listen.  We don't often correct with kindness.  We don't often remember that this is a big deal, and that asking a gay person to live a chaste life is asking a whole lot from them.  Asking them to give up a marriage for your personal beliefs is not an easy thing to do.  We need to understand that we are talking about people's lives here.  And even though we know and believe in the Truth, they don't.  It's hard enough to ask someone who does submit to these teachings to give so much up; it's nearly impossible to ask if they don't believe.  I fear that we are approaching this from the wrong angle. 

And if you are for same-sex marriage, and you use(d) the hashtag "lovewon," well...prove it!  Because, I'll tell you what, if what you as a community promotes as "love" is truly love, I want nothing to do with it.  There was cruelty, hatred, and ugliness in your response to that ruling.  It was not attractive to me at all.

I don't hate gay people.  But I do believe in, submit to, and even promote the teachings of the Catholic Church.  I have hope in the True Love who won 2,000 years ago, and I wish that I will participate in any small battle that advances the army of love on Earth today.