I have to preface this post by saying that this is really hard for me to do. Several years ago I posted about same-sex marriage, which revealed a few things about my relationships with some friends. I learned that the friends who I met through a Catholic Church at a Catholic event with mostly Catholics in attendance, were so against the teachings of the Catholic Church that they were willing to actually tell me that we could no longer be friends because I believe in the Catholic Church's teachings on same-sex marriage (actually, to clarify, I believe in ALL of the teachings of the Catholic Church, which just happens to include these teachings on same-sex marriage). I was actually un-invited to a very close friend's wedding - a female friend who was marrying a man - simply because I believe and stand for the Church's teachings. It was a very painful experience for me. It is because of this that I am hesitant to express my views on this topic. My views, which are not new or even really insightful. But, alas, I feel like I should probably say them anyway. I know what you're thinking...
I don't hate gay people. In fact, I don't hate any person. Although I hate the things that some people do, I tend to be very compassionate towards even the worst people, people who actually do bad things on purpose, with the intention of hurting others, like criminals. The fact that there are criminals and bad people and people who want to hurt people, means that there is a problem that is bigger than just that particular situation (sorry to be so repetitive, but you're going to see that a lot in this post). A person is not just born a bad person. They are made bad by circumstances in their lives. We, those who live with, nearby, and even far away from criminals still contribute to their choices. There is a whole society and world to blame for the fact that some people turn into "bad" people.
Now, somebody is inevitably going to say that because I talked about "bad people" in a post about gay marriage, that I "obviously" think that gay people are bad. Sorry. That is not what I think. It was just an example to show that I really don't believe in the idea of "bad" people at all. I believe that we are all created "good." I believe that if you polled every person alive and asked the question, "Is love good?" and "Is love valuable?" and "Would our world be better if everyone just loved one another?" and "Do you like love?" every person would say yes to those questions. People want love. They long for love. They crave it. What people can't agree upon is the definition of love. And that is where we have a problem. People aren't bad. People don't want evil, sin, injustice, hunger or pain. I believe in the goodness of people.
My point is, I don't hate gay people. I don't hate people. But I do think that sin is sin, no matter the circumstances surrounding it. Most gay people have the idea that marriage is about love, that it is an expression of love, and that it is therefore, not only a right, but almost a necessity. The world needs love! How true that is! They think, with good intentions, that marriage is about increasing the love in the world. If that were true, trust me, I'd be on board with same-sex marriage, too.
| Uh oh! I said hell! To clarify: I don't think that just because a person is gay or supports gay marriage, that they are going to hell. Read the next paragraph for an explanation as to why. This picture was simply meant to bring about the point that good intentions, like I talked about previously, can lead to bad things. |
See, to me, purity is a big deal. Self-control is a big deal. And I practice those things regularly. If you know me, you know that I believe that purity is important. I am very careful about protecting my purity, and the purity of those around me. I, too, feel the burden of loneliness as a result of living a pure lifestyle. I have felt that loss. I felt that loss today even. Being 30, single, and pure is hard, and it feels impossible to ever find someone my age who also holds these values as dearly as I do. Maybe I never will. I have grieved over non-existent relationships, events I had to attend alone, embarrassing conversations with people who don't understand why I believe what I believe. So, when I advocate for purity, know that I am not just telling others to do something that I have not experienced myself.
I know that gay people say that it's not a choice, and I'm not suggesting that it is a choice. That feeling feelings for someone is not something that you can control. I'm not saying they can control that part of it. I am saying that they must control their actions. Just like I must control my actions when I have feelings for someone who doesn't reciprocate those feelings.
There are a lot of people who are born with circumstances that are outside of their control. There are people who are born into poverty. Those people are still expected to live virtuous lives. There are people who are born with diseases. Those people are still expected to live virtuous lives. There are people who are born with parents who are addicted to drugs. People who have depression. People who have physical disabilities. They are still expected to live virtuous lives. None of these things are things that God created for us. There is a difference between the way that God created you, and the way that you were born. God created you good. He created you perfectly. He did NOT create us with original sin. But we are born with it. Jeremiah 1:5 says
God created you and everyone perfectly, but sin caused us harm. So often people say things like, "You were created with cancer for a reason, to teach others how to suffer with joy." That's just not true. You were not created with any defects, pain, or illness. You were just born that way. And God used your circumstances to bring Him glory, to bring others joy, to spread love. God can use you even in the bleakest of circumstances. Just like Joseph did in Genesis, He can use your bad situation for good.
A person who is born gay might be born that way, but they were not created by God that way. God did not "give" this to any person. And yes, they still are expected to live a virtuous life, which includes purity. It includes chastity. You cannot make the excuse, "Well, I was born this way" to defend immoral living. The Bible makes it abundantly clear that homosexual acts are sinful. They go against God's Divine Design. They aren't what we are created for. Marriage is supposed to bring about life through children, and children are an impossibility in the case of gay marriage. It's as simple as that.
Earlier this summer, when the gay-marriage laws passed in the Supreme Court, everywhere you looked you saw the hashtag "lovewon." But that wasn't my experience that day. I didn't see love on social media, in the stores, or anywhere I looked. I saw people being horrible to one-another.
There are two realities here. One is that Jesus, aka God, aka Love, conquered 2,000 years ago. Yes, love already won the war. But it is our job to fight the battles. And I'll tell you what, I have seen so many battles where love lost. Battles where love lost because Catholics were using their words and their actions to needlessly increase pain and suffering among the gay community, and I have seen love lose because gay people and same-sex marriage supporters used their words and actions to needlessly increase the pain and suffering among those who oppose them. In fact, in both cases, some even appear to take pleasure in increasing the pain and suffering. It's one thing to cause pain and suffering in order to correct a bad situation (like a doctor must increase pain and suffering in a patient by performing surgery, but that surgery ultimately heals the person and increases their joy later), it's another thing entirely to try to hurt someone for the sake of hurting them, or because it brings you joy.
Catholics, come on! Be better than you've been. All of you (note, I include myself in the "all of you" category). We can correct bad behavior without attacking a person's dignity. You don't have to be nice, but don't be cruel. Honestly, we, as a group, have been losing the fight of love for a long time. We haven't always been compassionate. We haven't always been willing to listen. We don't often correct with kindness. We don't often remember that this is a big deal, and that asking a gay person to live a chaste life is asking a whole lot from them. Asking them to give up a marriage for your personal beliefs is not an easy thing to do. We need to understand that we are talking about people's lives here. And even though we know and believe in the Truth, they don't. It's hard enough to ask someone who does submit to these teachings to give so much up; it's nearly impossible to ask if they don't believe. I fear that we are approaching this from the wrong angle.
And if you are for same-sex marriage, and you use(d) the hashtag "lovewon," well...prove it! Because, I'll tell you what, if what you as a community promotes as "love" is truly love, I want nothing to do with it. There was cruelty, hatred, and ugliness in your response to that ruling. It was not attractive to me at all.
I don't hate gay people. But I do believe in, submit to, and even promote the teachings of the Catholic Church. I have hope in the True Love who won 2,000 years ago, and I wish that I will participate in any small battle that advances the army of love on Earth today.
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