I have lived a majority of my life trying to make everyone happy. I have never wanted to rock the boat. I've avoided conflict like the plague. Actually, I've never really had to avoid the plague. It's not really a problem these days. But you get the point. You can't make everyone happy.
I remember one time when I had to do a presentation in front of a lot of people. Now, public speaking doesn't really bother me too much. If I'm prepared and really know what I'm doing, I'm usually more confident than a lot of people. But, nevertheless, I don't always enjoy it. There are times when I love it, but there are times when I get nervous about it. And this was one of those times. I had to get up and say some things in front of a group, and I just didn't really want to do it. I didn't really believe that what I was doing was a good thing, actually, which was part of my problem.
I was expressing my concern to someone, who told me something that I was shocked to hear: no matter what I do, how I do it, or why I do it, there are going to be 20 people who don't like me. No matter what. They might not like me because I'm a woman, or because I have red hair. They might not like me because of what I'm wearing, or because of the way that I talk. They might think that I'm wasting their time. But no matter what, 20 people in that audience are not going to like me, and there's nothing that I can do to change that.
At first, I was offended. Who does he think he is to tell me that some people there don't like me? But then, as I thought more about it, it was kind of freeing. He's right. There is no way that I can make everyone happy. Some people are going to dislike me no matter what I do. No matter how hard I try.
There's nothing intrinsically wrong about wanting to be liked. Of course you want to be liked. It feels good. And I don't think that there's anything intrinsically wrong about wanting to make people happy, either. Again, of course you want to make people happy! That, too, feels good!
But for me, it has almost been a way of life, a world view, a philosophy: make everyone else happy at all costs. So that meant that I have never stood up for myself. It meant that I have never really stood up for anything that I believe in. It meant that I became a slave to this idea. I have lived a very passive-aggressive life because of my need to please people. It has become controlling, and dangerous.
A part of me wishes that I could just change this about myself, or that God would just change it about me. If God can heal any sickness, if God can free us from any form of slavery, why doesn't He just take this away from me? I have wondered that so many times. But what's funny about this specific weakness is that the only way to get the strength to start standing up for myself is to start standing up for myself. God can't stand up for myself. Yes, He could maybe protect me from having the need to stand up for myself, but if He did that, then I'd still be a slave, just to Him. I'd never have the strength that I need in order to do it myself. I'd be totally dependent on Him. And in one sense, He does want us to be totally dependent on Him, but He also wants us to be able to stand up for what's right, and defending our own lives is what's right. If my life has dignity, I need to protect that dignity, just like I'd protect anything else that has dignity (although, to be honest, I'm not very good at that, either).
I know, looking back, that most of the time that people hurt me, they aren't trying to hurt me (with a few exceptions). Most of the time, they aren't even aware that they're hurting me! So if I were to gently and lovingly confront the person who hurts me, simply by saying, "When you said that, it hurt my feelings," if that person is a good one, they'd apologize and know not to do that again. People are good, but I'm not giving them the chance to show their goodness.
Like all things, there needs to be balance. Pray that God gives you the fortitude to stand up for the dignity of someone who desperate needs it: you.
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