You either have it or you don't. If you have it, good for you! If you don't have it, getting it can be a real struggle. You can pretend to have it, but that often only leads to having less of it. You can celebrate the fact that you don't have it, but if you do that, chances are that you actually have more of it than you think. And then there's those people who have too much of it, or have it in areas where it doesn't belong. What is it? Confidence.
Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities that a person can have, but, unfortunately, you can't just force it upon yourself. The more you try to force it, the less you seem to have it.
I had a friend who was extremely confident. As confidence is something that I tend to struggle with, I really looked up to her. She was beautiful, smart, successful, and someone who people really felt comfortable with. I tended to feel more confident just by being around her.
But I have also had friends who lacked self awareness in an extreme way. These are people who have confidence where they shouldn't have confidence. For instance, people who are know-it-alls about certain areas of life, but who, after talking with them, I learn that they really have no idea what they are talking about. People who don't take correction, even when they desperately need to be corrected.
Correcting problems of confidence is impossible without an open mind. No, that's not an exaggeration. It is impossible. If you aren't willing to try the things that create confidence, you aren't going to obtain it. There is no way. Why? Because confidence is not something that anybody can give you. Nobody can force confidence upon you. It is something that you have to give yourself. And it's one of the greatest gifts you can possibly give.
So, my question for you is: are you ready to be confident?
I don't have all the answers. I have just come to the realization that I am worth it. That I desire confidence enough to do something about it. That only I can give it to myself. So here is what I'm doing about it.
7 - Have fun. Schedule it into your day. Every. Single. Day. That may seem weird: "What are you doing today at 10:00 am?" "I'm having fun." Seriously, though, schedule it! At least until it becomes a regular part of your life. Fun doesn't have to mean anything extreme. I think that our culture tries to define "fun" in certain terms, but those terms aren't good. There are multiple ways to have fun, and as far as I'm concerned, drunkenness isn't one of them. Partying isn't one of them. Fun can be as simple as painting a picture (especially if you aren't a talented painter! It could be fun to just splash paint around and see what you get), or having karaoke night with your roommate using Youtube. Just remember to keep it simple! People who have more fun tend to have more confidence!
6 - Smile more. Even if you don't mean it. But DON'T be one of those people who feels sorry for themselves for smiling even though they are breaking on the inside. If you don't mean it, say a prayer that eventually you will mean it.
5 - Notice the good around you. Notice the good in others. If you start practicing noticing the good in others, you will naturally start noticing the good in yourself. At least, it will become part of your habit, which will seem more natural when you start to make the shift towards yourself.
4 - Be someone worth having confidence in. This doesn't mean "be beautiful," although that is a good way to be. But make good, pure, holy choices. Read books, listen to music and watch shows that fill your mind with good, pure and holy thoughts.
3 - Accept compliments from others. Don't let yourself believe that they are lying just to be fake or mean. If they are doing that, than so what? You can still accept their compliment. They don't have to mean it for it to be true.
2 - Tell yourself your worth. I know that it's difficult to admit the good in ourselves. It seems like an arrogant way to be. But just because it seems that way doesn't mean that it is true. It's not arrogant to recognize God's good works. It gives Him glory. In fact, I would go so far as to say it's sinful to not recognize His good works in ourselves. Those good works could be about our looks, intelligence, humor, musical gifts, artistic gifts, kindness, compassion, friendship, loyalty, etc. If there's something good in you, than God put it there. He created it in you. Identify those things and use them to bring Him glory.
1 - Let God tell you your worth. He made you. He knows it. If you hear the voice that says that there is nothing worthy in you, than recognize that it is Satan who is saying that to you, and that he is nobody/nothing, and that you don't have to listen to or believe his lies.
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