Women's Wednesday - The Problem with "No Thank You"

"No thank you."  We women sure are polite when rejecting love.  We have all grown up learning that it is somehow wrong to let people serve us.  The conditioning was more subtle than we realize (hence the word subtle), and yet, it seemed so obvious. But think about it:  how often do we reject compliments?  How often do we reject little acts of kindness?  How often do we accept gifts?  And what are the reasons for our rejection?  That we don't believe compliments.  That we don't want to "put anyone out."  That we don't want to use anyone.  Well, that may be the way you feel, but it's certainly not something that you should act upon.

So many women can't stand the idea of anybody serving them and their needs.  There is a great scene in the oldish movie One Fine Day with George Clooney and Michelle Pfiefer, where she has her hands full of stuff, her young son trailing behind her, and a man tries to help her.  He says, "Let me help you."  She says, "It's okay.  I can get it."  He says back, "No, no. Please, please."   Angry now, she says, "Really! I got it. I got it. Okay, okay. Sweetie, come on."   Quietly, the foreign artist says under his breath, "Stupid American woman."  Her son, Sammy, hears him and say, "That guy called you stupid," to which his mother replies, "Well, I am stupid sometimes, honey, but I'd rather be stupid than sorry. Come on."

This is just one movie scene that depicts this type of thinking.  I'd rather be stupid than sorry.  I'd rather be independent, like Destiny's Child sang about back in the 1990's:

All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me

- Destiny's Child Lyrics "Independent Woman"

Why is it such a bad thing to accept love?   Why is it such a sign of strength to be independent and self sufficient?  People would rather give love than receive it.  But if everybody in the world refused to accept love, than nobody would have anybody to give love.  Love can't just be given.  I has to be received.

We love to over-complicate love.  We love to turn it into something bad, we love to call receiving love "using."  There is such a thing as using, but that looks completely different than love.  That looks mean.  That looks lonely.  The giver will know that they are being used when they recipient isn't grateful for their gifts.  When the person expects gifts.  It is then that the the love turns into sin.  But a person who opens a door for you is just trying to do something nice.  A person who gives you a gift for no reason at all, or buys you a lunch, or lends you their car when you need it, is just trying to love you.

Accepting love is an act of love itself.  I feel so good when I can do something really wonderful for someone.  But if that person doesn't let me do that thing, than I am denied the opportunity to have that good feeling.  Let yourself be loved.

When someone wants to do something for you, some kindness, just say "Thank you," and mean it.  Be grateful, and be loved.  It's about time we started saying "Yes" to true, authentic, real love.