So even though I'm not great at taking my own advice, I am going to give it. Hopefully, by writing this, it will sink in for me, too, and I will begin to take my own advice! So, here are my Top Ten ways to be single:
10. Be pure. Ok, it seems like this is impossible these days. It's difficult to not believe the lie that nobody will date you if you want to wait until marriage. It's like, marriage might be my Vocation, but I'll never get married if I want to stay pure. So if Vocations are supposed to lead us to holiness, and being impure is not holy, how do we win? Well, have faith. If you are going to marry that person, then they will be happy to wait for you. If they are truly going to bring you to holiness in your marriage, than they should start now, before the marriage, by helping to protect your purity. If, however, they aren't going to protect your holiness now, than what's going to be so different after those vows are taken? Not much. Not much at all.
9. Have friends. It sounds obvious, doesn't it? But too often the reason that a person is single is because they are a work-aholic. And then they don't have time for friends, either. Work is good and important and necessary, but God told us to rest for a reason. If you're lonely while you're single, friendship may not remove the longing for romance, but it will help you to be less lonely in general. Surround yourself with loved ones. Have girls who are your friends and guys who are your friends. There is nothing more attractive than a person who loves.
8. Read the Bible. If you ever start to despair that God won't answer your prayers for a relationship, or that He's forgotten you, than pick up your Bible and open it to pretty much any story with a woman involved (pretty much any story, but not all of them). God's timing really isn't our timing, and it is obvious in Scripture. BUT, just because God doesn't give us what we ask for the very second we ask for it, doesn't mean that He's not going to answer our prayers. It doesn't mean that He has forgotten us. Read, re-read, re-read again, memorize and remember those stories.
7. Pray for your spouse. I frequently wonder what my spouse is doing "right now." Where is he? What is he thinking? Is he happy? Is he sad? Whenever I have those thoughts, I pray for my husband. I hope that he is praying for me, too. Pray for your spouse regularly. Ask God to bless him.
6. Pray about things besides your spouse. Don't forget that there is more than one type of prayer. And don't forget that there is more than one person who needs prayer. Don't obsess with just that one prayer, but open your eyes to how good God is to you always. Praise Him. Thank Him. Over prayers of petition for other people. Ask for His advice for other areas in your life. Ask God what you can be doing right now to best glorify Him. Pray for your spouse, but don't limit your spiritual life to that one thing.
5. Talk about other things than being single. Like before, don't just talk about how difficult it is being single, how sad you are that you're single, what you're doing to do find someone else, or how nobody is ever going to love you because you're too (fat, stupid, annoying, ugly, pimply, sick, weird, etc). Nobody wants to sit and listen to you complain about these things all the time. And nobody wants to listen to you obsess about how great you are at being single. There's got to be more to you than just the fact that you're single. Prove it. Talk about other things.
4. Watch movies and TV shows, read books and listen to music that will inspire you. Some movies and songs make me, personally, really sad. I see these couples who are so cute and perfect (and, therefore, annoying) and I think about how I wish I had those things. I become jealous of fictional characters. Yikes! How ridiculous! If you finish watching romantic movies feeling sad, it's bad. If you leave feeling inspired, hopeful, or good, than keep it in your collection! If it makes you feel that way now, think how much greater it will be once you find your spouse!
3. Have an interesting life. You don't want to meet a really great guy and have absolutely nothing to talk about with him. I'm not saying that you should just live adventure after adventure after adventure. It gets boring to listen to people only tell one type of story, or have opinions about one type of thing. Learn new things. Do new things. Experience new things. And you'll find that this not only makes it easier to meet your spouse, but that you are more fulfilled, too.
2. Don't do things so that you can meet your spouse. Do things for yourself. Don't worry at every concert, lecture, hike, night out at the movies, etc., if you're going to meet someone there. Go to have fun. For yourself. Consciously check yourself before you go, and occasionally while you're there, to see why you're behaving the way that you are. You don't need a guy by your side to have fun. That's not a good life. Just have fun now.
1. Be joyful. It's obvious, and not obvious. But joy is not a feeling. It's a decision. It's a lifestyle. Be someone who sees the good in life. And that might take practice at first, but if you do it enough, you'll form a habit and it'll come naturally. Relax. Don't take things too seriously that don't need to be taken seriously. Live a life of love, peace and joy, and romance will find you.
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