For so many years, I subscribed to the idea that the band One Direction has recently made popular: "You don't know you're beautiful, / That's what makes you beautiful." I have to say, from personal experience, that this is not a good way to live your life.
I have lived a large portion of my life trying to be unseen because I felt unworthy to be seen, because I believed that I was not beautiful. And let me tell you, that does not make a person beautiful. In fact, it makes them the very opposite of that, it makes them unattractive. Ugly even. And the reasons why aren't surprising.
The problem was that my behavior was in line with my belief. I believed that I was not beautiful, and so I became shy, quiet, reserved, afraid, and bitter. I hated pretty people, and I saw flaws in everything that they did. They tried to flaunt their beauty I thought. They tried to use it to manipulate people and to get what they wanted. It was all about them. At least, that's how I saw them.
In reality, maybe a portion of them used their good looks to get what they wanted. I was so quick to label them in rude ways that I probably missed the good in them. Well, I know that I did because I never saw any good in anybody who was beautiful.
But the fact that I didn't really have many friends, or that the "pretty people" didn't want to hang out with me wasn't because I, myself, wasn't pretty. It was because of the "vibes" that I put out. I hated them for their beauty, so why would they want to hang out with me? It wasn't them who were rude; it was me.
I mean, come on! Who's going to want to hang out with the girl who is leaning against a wall, arms crossed, wearing a shirt she didn't iron (but should have), that was too big for her, with no makeup, hair looking terrible, with hate signals being sent out all over the place! Nobody! And that describes me very well! I didn't take the time to look presentable, I didn't put a smile on my face, but I wanted them to approach me anyway. It's never going to work that way.
You shouldn't go over the top trying to impress people with your looks. If you're uncomfortable wearing makeup, then don't do it. I think that's a good thing. But I don't think that there is anything wrong with wearing a little bit, or combing your hair, or wearing clean clothes that fit you properly, in order to show the people who you are around that you care. It's not a matter of using your looks to get something; it's about showing the people around you that you respect them.
I didn't know that I was beautiful. Maybe I wasn't the number one beauty, but because I didn't know that I was beautiful, I acted like I wasn't beautiful. I acted like I was nothing. That just makes the situation even worse. Confidence is always attractive. But there must be a good balance.
There are, of course, those who abuse their beauty. But I think that One Direction is hurting their fans by telling them that not knowing that you're beautiful MAKES you beautiful. It absolutely does not. Everyone out there has something to offer. And it's ok to know it, to admit it, and to excel.
Go ahead. Know that you're beautiful!
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