"On the Edge" - Disappointment

Two days ago, we experienced a big snow storm.  Had this storm taken place on a weekday, we'd probably be out of school and work for the day.  But, alas, it happened on Sunday.  And because it was a spring snow in Colorado, it was practically melted away by Monday.  How did you feel about not getting a snow day?  Disappointment!

This is a topic that people don't really teach about very often.  But because it is such a common experience for so many people, and because there are holy ways of dealing with it, and unholy ways of dealing with it, it's important to talk about.

When I was in high school, I wanted so badly to fit in.  Don't we all?  I suppose that this wasn't just high school Krissy's desire.  It's been my desire for my entire life.  And that's exactly how it's supposed to be.  Scripture says "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18).  In fact, God creates everything and promptly states that it is good.  The one and only time that He declares that something is NOT good, is when man is alone.  Thus, God knows and knew from the very beginning that we are not made to be alone.  And that is why our desire is to fit in!

Well, I was no different.  I wanted to fit in, and so I did things to make that happen.  Like, I tried out for school plays, for choir, for cheerleading, and for everything that I could try out for.  Unfortunately, I wasn't talented at anything.  I didn't make the play in junior high.  I didn't make the play in high school.  I didn't make concert choir (no shocker there!) the first time I tried out.  I didn't make cheerleading.  And let me tell you, the disappointment that I felt when I read these lists time and time again, and saw my friends' names, but not my own, was intense.  It turned into something horrible.  I let myself believe that because my teachers had reasons (that I thought were stupid) for "holding me back," that I was somehow worthless.  This, of course, is not true.

Disappointment can come from many things.  We have to deal with disappointing things every single day of our lives.  Whether it's that the cafeteria is out of the food we were hoping to eat, a parent promised they'd be on time to pick you up and they weren't, you didn't make the team you wanted to be on, or worse, it is a reality we face daily.

I know.  That news can be disappointing in itself. 

Disappointment comes from the fact that you have an expectation, and that expectation is not fulfilled.  The expectation could be that you don't get a flat tire on the way to work, or that you make the team, or that your school is closed due to the snow.  It's near impossible to rid ourselves of our expectations.  I might even go so far as to say that it is impossible to rid them from our lives.  Could you imagine, if we tried to do it, how disappointed we'd be when we failed?

The most important thing is to take life as is happens, without letting our emotions muddle things up.  For instance, if your parent forgets to pick you up, does it help to get emotional about it?  To cry or rant?  How does that help your situation at that particular moment?  The answer:  it doesn't.  It just makes you feel even more miserable, but it doesn't make your parent get there any faster.

Emotions can be dangerous.  They can cloud our thinking and paralyze us.  They can make us believe things that aren't true.  Like, that I'm worthless because I didn't make the cheerleading team.  Well, of course that isn't true.  It just means that I needed some practice before I could be a cheerleader.

The important thing is to take life as it comes.  And if you have an emotion about it, to recognize that emotion, understand where it is coming from (that you had an expectation that wasn't met), and then act on it if you can. 

And trust God.  He knows your heart.  He knows your mind.  He knows when you are frustrated and disappointed.  It's not a shock to Him.  But remember that God wants what is best for you at all times.  But just because something doesn't go your way doesn't mean that you should sin.  It doesn't mean that you should take His name in vain, or that you should be disrespectful to your parents. 

Remaining holy during disappointment is key.  Moses did.  Think about how disappointing his life was!  After spending years and years with the people who constantly complained about him, he got them all the way to the Promised Land, and then God told him that he wasn't allowed to go in himself!  He had to stand at the top of Mount Nebo and look at it, but he didn't get to enter.  That must have been extremely disappointing.  And yet, he maintained his trust in God, and thousands of years later, he got to into the Promised Land at the Transfiguration.  God let him go in, just not yet!  That's comforting.  But, Moses had to be obedient first!

And remember these important words from Saint Paul, who was imprisoned and facing execution while writing these amazing and positive words, "Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God" (Philippians 4:6).

The result?  Well, I didn't make the cheerleading team, and at the time, I thought that meant that my life was over!  But, it turns out that I was in it for all the wrong reasons.  I didn't want to be a cheerleader because I was passionate about cheerleading.  I wanted to be a cheerleader because I wanted to be cool.  When I became a swimmer (which did not require that I try out), I found that I was passionate about swimming.  Cheerleaders could not be swimmers because the seasons overlapped, so I wouldn't have been able to do what I loved.  Look at the big picture.  So your plans didn't work out the first time.  Does that mean you give up on them for the future?  Absolutely not.  But disappointment is a wonderful opportunity to look at and reevaluate your motivations, your desires, your dreams and your goals.  You might find that you still want the same thing, and the resistance that you are experiencing to obtaining that thing will only make you stronger.  You may discover that it is actually not what you really wanted, and that there is something better for you in the long run.  Don't quit.  Don't give up.  It's all good, if you let God be a part of it. 

Reflect on this:
1.  Who are some people in scripture who had to face disappointment?  How did they respond to their disappointing circumstances? 
2.  Talk about a time when you were disappointed.  How did you react to that disappointment?  What are some things you could/should have done differently?
3. 

"Of the Week's"

My Dog and My God

Last Friday my dog ate an entire chocolate torte.  One of these:

 

I walked into my house and was like, "Surprise!  Your dog is one sick little puppy!"  It wasn't pleasant.  It's a miracle he didn't die.

There is a reason that there are rules.  In my house, we have the rule that the dog doesn't eat entire chocolate tortes.  And even though he wants to, and it feels good at the time, he really needs to learn to obey the rules.  Because I doesn't feel good (for anyone) later on.

God gave us rules.  It's true.  But He doesn't give us rules because He is mean or unfair.  He gives us rules because He loves us and doesn't want us to be sick, hurt, or dead.   If everyone were to obey all of God's commandments all the time, people would experience great peace and joy.  It would be easy to obey Him if everyone else was obeying Him.  If it was cool to do so.  

Eating an entire chocolate torte may sound good at the time, but I promise you (and God promises you) that it isn't worth it! 

 

Bible Verse of the Week 

Oh, the irony!  Today is Valentine's Day.  I am single, which isn't the worst thing to ever happen to a person (although Facebook might tell you differently!).  Anyway, I was not sure what I should do for my Bible verse, so I did Bible Roulette a bit differently.  I went to www.biblegateway.com and typed in any book of the Bible that popped into mind.  It was 1 Corinthians.  Then I typed the first number that came to mind.  It was seven.  Then I typed the first number that came to mind after that.  It was eight.  Guess what God's message for me today was!
  
"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do" - 1 Corinthians 7:8.  

Thanks, God, for that one! 

Saint Quote of the Week:   

^{"The things that we love tell us what we are" - Saint Thomas Aquinas}

Prayer of the Week:  

To keep us humble during Lent, pure of heart on Valentine's Day, and full of love always, there is not better prayer than this:

Hail Mary, Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed is the Fruit of they womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.     

 Video of the Week:  

Perfect!  I have no words for this.  It says it itself!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uo2OF2Qb7I

Special Edition: Lent

Lent is rapidly approaching, and I'm excited for it. I like the season if Lent because it challenges me to get rid if the gunk in my life that keeps me from God. It cleanses and purifies my soul, which is always in great need of being cleansed and purified. As I pray about what I should do this Lent, the questions that I reflect on are "What is keeping me from God right now?" "What are my biggest and most common sins?" and "How can I use my fasting, prayer and alms giving to purify my soul?"
All three components (fasting, alms giving and prayer) are necessary for a holy Lent.

Fasting

Otherwise called "what you give up." I am annoying to people because, when they tell me what they are giving up, I ask "and how will that bring you closer to God?" And it's surprising how often they don't have an answer. My point in asking that question is not to accuse, although it is often interpreted that way. I just want to make sure that their fasting isn't without purpose. It's far too easy to just give up soda or chocolate or Starbucks or meat without having a purpose behind it. Those things can have a purpose, it just depends on the way the sacrifice is being handled, and the motivation behind it. Remember, vanity is always sinful. And the purpose of Lent is to rid your life of sinfulness, not to add to it. If your Lenten experience causes you to think, "I will lose weight with this, too," it's wrong. Don't try to kill two birds with one stone.  Because you can't get closer to God (by fasting) and further from God (by sinning by increasing your vanity) simultaneously.  I will say it again: Lent should not add to your vanity.
When choosing something for your Lenten fast, do it with prayer. Ask God to show you what you should give up. Let's take a look at the Seven Deadly sins, and how you can fight those you struggle with the most to help your relationship with God.
Vanity:  If you struggle with vanity (which, let's face it, most Americans do), He might tell you to give up mascara or to only wear the same four outfits during the entire season (you are encouraged to wash them, though)
Sloth:  If you struggle with sloth (spiritual laziness), He might ask you to give up sleeping in so that you can have an extra half hour of prayer time in the morning. 
Lust:  If you struggle with lust, He might ask you to give up the Internet which can lead you to lustful thoughts. 
Pride/Envy:  If you struggle with pride or envy, He might ask you to give up the words "I" and "me." 
Gluttony/Greed:  If you struggle with gluttony, if you struggle with greed, give up the things that you love (like your electronic devices). 
Wrath:  If you struggle with anger, He might ask you to give up blame by taking the blame for things (like St Therese of Lisieux was known to do). See how those things oppose the seven deadly sins?

Prayer

Prayer should not add to your vanity either. I saw a suggestion in the Life Teen website that said you should try doing a sit-up for every word of the Hail Mary. Now, most of the stuff in the Life Teen website is really good, but I just don't see anything positive about this suggestion. It takes away the reverence from the prayer, and it adds to the person's vanity. The Hail Mary is a prayer that should be said with complete concentration and total reverence. Turning it into a workout is, as far as I'm concerned, like desecrating it. The Hail Mary should promote our humility, not our pride. Why can't you just say a Hail Mary, and really focus on it, and then do 42 sit ups later? Why combine those things? Commit to saying a Hail Mary every day!
We need to start making prayer more intentional. No more multitasking during prayer. Use Lent as a time to practice praying in silence, focusing solely on God. Maybe you do so for only five minutes every day during Lent. Five minutes of concentrated prayer is more effective that 20 minutes of prayer while working out or driving (which, lets face it, when you're driving, you should be concentrated on that task). It's hard enough to hear God's voice when you're focused, let alone when you're not.

Alms Giving

Now some people think that they don't need to fast because they add something to their routine. But we are called to fast AND give alms AND pray, which means that we are called to rid ourselves of something harmful and add something good. It's not one or the other!  One of the suggestions that I liked on the Life Teen website was to leave a note with a positive message everywhere you go during Lent.  That's tricky.  One friend I have writes a letter to someone new every day, to tell them that she loves them.  But, again, to get the most benefit out of this, you should ask yourself the same question, "What do I need to do in order to get closer to God?"  If you need to be more thankful, than maybe you should spend time every day thanking God for the things in your life (the good things, and the bad things).  Focus it on God, though.  It's good to be thankful for the people in your life.  And you should thank them for the things they do for you.  But, you should also remember to thank God for giving them to you.  Lent should bring you close to God.  That's the goal.

Irrelevant and Irreverent

Irrelevant and irreverent. This is what Lent has become. It saddens me that people view Lent as a physical fitness program rather than a spiritually purifying liturgical season.  It's ok to be uncomfortable.  When you think about giving up mascara for Lent, and that makes your stomach drop, that's a good indication that you have a problem with vanity, and that maybe you should focus on that.  Does eating chocolate actively hurt your relationship with God?  Really?  If it does, than by all means, give it up!  But I challenge you to make your Lenten experience that easy (I know, right?!  Like giving up chocolate is easy!).  The more difficult the thing is, the better the results.  I promise.

But our bodies are temples.  Shouldn't we be building them up?

I don't want there to be any confusion about what I am saying, so I am going to spend some time here, clarifying a few things.  I can hear the excuses for doing something to better your body already:  but my body is a temple.  Well, yes, that's true.  Your body is a temple, but showing it off is sinful.  To those who want to do sit ups while praying the Hail Mary, remember, you can do as many sit ups as you like.  But as soon as you choose an outfit that shows those good abs off, you're crossing the line into vanity.  As soon as you brag about how much weight you've lost during Lent, or get all excited about the compliments you receive, or seek compliments, you're crossing the line into vanity.  As soon as you write out this Facebook status:  "I have to go shopping because my pants size is smaller," it's vanity.  Ask God to tell you what to give up, because otherwise, it's too easy to make it easy.  He will show you where you struggle, and what you need to do to be better.  Ask Him for help, and no matter how difficult the challenge that He gives you is, trust that obedience to Him will make it worth it.  

"Of the Week's"

My Dog and My God

This morning, my dog got a long overdue bath.  And let's just say that he was not very excited about it.  I tried a new technique with him, where I tried just calling him into the bathroom, instead of leading him there by the collar.  It didn't work.  He just ran circles around my room, trying to avoid me.  I eventually caught him, got him in the bath, and cleaned him up.

But I know he won't stay clean for long.  As soon as I wash him, he goes outside and rolls in something nasty, totally undoing the work that I have done.  And then he'll be stinky and gross again for a while until I bathe him once more.

He thinks that he enjoys being dirty, but I know that he doesn't.  Because, when he is clean, he doesn't spend as much time cleaning himself.  There are times when I know that he is cleaning himself because he is uncomfortable from being dirty.  Plus, I don't give him as much attention when he is super dirty, because he's just gross, and he makes my skin itchy.  But when he's clean, he gets all the attention he could ask for!

Letting God clean us up in Reconciliation can be difficult.  Rather than run in circles around my room like my dog did when avoiding the bath, I make excuses for why I can't go to Reconciliation.  "I'm too busy."  Or, well, that's really the main excuse that I use.  And sometimes, God works so hard to get me there, it's like He's pulling on my collar.

But when I go, I'm far less uncomfortable than when I don't.  I don't have to stress about getting there.  I know that my relationship with God is good, and that any ties that I severed are fixed.  I know that God is there, because I let Him be there.

I eventually roll in nasty sin again.  Sometimes very quickly after Reconciliation.  But being clean, as temporary as it is, is wonderful.

 

Bible Verse of the Week 

I have struggled with self-pity for most of my life (even if I don't have any real reason to pity myself, I still find a reason to do so).  Lately I have been working very hard at this, which has been freeing in many ways.  If you struggle with self-pity, here are some words from Scripture to help you out:
  
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" - James 1:2

Saint Quote of the Week:   

<sup>Again with the theme of overcoming self pity:

"We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials" - St Theresa of Avila</sup>

Prayer of the Week:  

Again, about self-pity:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 
 
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

 Video of the Week:  

I like this video, because I think that the Pope is so brave here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOx045-UlBc

On the Edge: The Motivation

It's 4:14 am.  I'm riding in my car as I pass a bank that has a sign flashing the time and the temperature.  I read the time and think, "What was God thinking when He created 4:00 am?  What a cruel joke!"  Then I see the temperature.  19 degrees.  And I think, "What was God thinking when He created 19 degrees?"  I think about all of those people who are asleep in their nice warm beds.  They are right where they should be.

I am not quite awake as I arrive at the pool.  But the moment I jump in that cool water, life suddenly returns to my body.  I am awake, and freezing.  I have two choices.  Stay put and freeze, or swim and warm up.  I choose to swim.  Half way down the first length of the pool, I can already notice that I'm beginning to warm up.  By the time I reach the end, I'm feeling it more.  By the time I complete my first full lap, I'm at the appropriate temperature.  Swim practices are difficult this early in the morning.  More difficult than later practices.  My body resists in unique ways.  It wants to be asleep.  It's not used to this.  By the end of the season, though, it will be.

I am rushed when I arrive at school, smelling of chlorine that a shower simply can't erase, hair wet, or should I say, frozen.  I may be tired, but I feel great after my morning swim.  My body is relaxed and energized at the same time.  Lunch time finds me starving.  At the end of the school day, I have to go home to quickly finish my homework, so that I can eat dinner, pack my swim bag for the next morning, and go to bed early.  I know that tomorrow's early swim practice will require the same struggle that today's did.  And I can't wait!

This was the story of my high school experience.  It was one of the things I loved the absolute most about high school.  It may sound silly, but I have jealousy in my heart when I think back to those days.  Yes, that's right, I'm jealous of myself.  Because at one time, I got to experience a sport that challenged me in ways that I didn't know I could be challenged, but in ways that I loved to be challenged.  I miss swimming so much.

What is it that makes us do these crazy things?  Why do we get up at crazy hours, or stay up until crazy hours, to participate in the activities we love?  Is it because we are crazy?  Kind of, but not exactly.  It's because we are in love.

It's never been shocking that people would do crazy things out of love.  Whether it's for the love of a sport, a musical instrument, a person, a pet, or God, if you fall in love with it, you're going to go to great lengths to maintain, protect and even better it. We will wake up at crazy hours of the night to practice.  We will pay huge amounts of money.  We will move our lives.  Anything that we can do, we will.  Things we can't do, we still will.  We will at least try.

I recently went through a really dark time in my life.  And when I was going through these things, my prayer life seemed to stop all together.  I wouldn't say that I blamed God for what I was going through.  I wasn't ever mad at Him.  I was frustrated with my circumstances, and I was very depressed.  Depression often causes people to give up on the activities that they love, to find less fulfillment in them, to lose motivation to do even the stuff that they enjoy. I think that this is the reason why I stopped praying.  My situation wasn't God's fault.  I understood that, even at that time.  I just didn't have the motivation to pray.

One day during this dark time, I was thinking about a Bible verse that has always meant a lot to me, and that means a lot to a lot of people.  Jeremiah 29:11, which says, "For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe!  plans to give you a future full of hope."  I don't remember exactly why I was thinking about this verse, but for all I know, it just popped into my head. My reaction to this verse surprised me at the time: "Yeah, right," I rather sarcastitcally thought.  But then something strange happened.  I recalled a strange encounter I had with a stranger in a bathroom once.

The basement of the church doesn't always get used a lot.  Especially during the day.  So, I don't really ever expect for anyone to be in the women's bathroom downstairs.  Well, one day I went in there, and sure enough, there was a lady.  I didn't know her.  She was attending the funeral that was being held at the Church that day.  I happened to be wearing one of our youth group shirts that day, that had a Bible verse from Jeremiah.  It was actually Jeremiah 1:5.  As I was washing my hands, she was standing behind me, waiting to wash her hands, and she read my shirt, and just started talking.  "Do you know that my favorite Bible verse comes from Jeremiah?"  

I was startled, and thought, "I don't even know you.  How on Earth would I know that?"  But I just smiled and became awkward and said, "No!  Which verse?"  

"Jeremiah 29:11-15" she answered.  "Do you know it?" she asked.  Well, I did know verse 11, because I have always known that verse, at least, since I've actually been Catholic.  

I quoted it to her:  "For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe!  Plans to give you future full of hope."  

 "You don't know the rest?" she asked.  Silly me!  I had been standing there, congratulating myself on my ability to recite any verse at all, and there she was, disappointed that I didn't know more!  Silly pride!  

"Well, let me tell you!  It continues, 'When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you.  When you look for me, you will find me.  Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you, says the Lord, and I will change your lot; I will gather you together from all the nations and all the places to which I have banished you, says the Lord, and bring you back to the place from which I have exiled you.'"  She paused.  "Isn't that great?" she asked.  

"Yes, that is great," I sincerely answered. I then thanked her for sharing, and she thanked me for listening.  And our conversation was over.  I have never seen her again.

This memory came to my mind when I was experiencing that dark time in my life.  I remembered liking the rest of the verses, but I couldn't remember what they said.  So I picked up my Bible and read them.  I realized at that moment that I had been asking God for the wrong things.  I had been asking Him to heal my hurts, or to find me a husband, or friends even, or to give me more money, or just something.  But I never really asked Him for me to find Him.  Not since I was a little girl.  I had been living my life feeling sorry for myself for not being happy for whatever reason I could imagine, when all the while, the thing that would make me the most happy was right there, waiting for me to ask for help.  "When you look for me," says God, "you will find me."  All this time, I hadn't been seeking God.  I had only been seeking what He could give me.

What I found was that He had been there all along.  As soon as I prayed, asking God to be a bigger part in my life, to help me seek Him, I realized that He had been there the entire time.  He was just outside the door of my heart, and all I had to do was to let Him in.  And there was a lot of peace that followed from doing that.  It turns out, that when we say that Jesus was knocking on our door, He's not just quietly and calmly knocking.  He's pounding on that door.  Shouting, "Let me in!  Let me in!  Let me in!"  And when we finally do, He let's us have peace.  Jesus is a gentleman, in that He's not going to come in under our roof unless we invite Him in.  But, at the same time, He's not going to stay outside, quietly giving up on us, either!

Jesus isn't hiding from us.  We hide ourselves from Him.  And we think we're such good hiders! 

Jesus has always been there, coming to me, seeking me and my heart.  He has been seeking me since before I was born.  He has been seeking me in subtle ways, and in obvious ways.  And yes, I had allowed Him in early on in my own life.  But at some point, I shut Him out again.  It seems I am constantly letting Him in and shutting Him out.  I have to remember that it's important to keep opening that door.  

Once I realized all of this, it became much easier to keep opening that door.  Once I realized that He was right there, seeking me.  Waiting for me to seek Him.  Jesus makes the first move.  When I pray, I am just responding.

My spiritual life became much easier once I gave Jesus the burden.  When He says, in that verse, that he will change your lot, He means it!  Sometimes He changes the stuff in your life, but that's rare.  Most of the time, He changes your heart.  Your attitude.  See, I had been living in this awful world, where I knew that it was right to love God, and I knew that I should teach that to those around me, but somehow, deep in my heart, I didn't know if I truly loved Him.  I knew that I wanted to truly love Him.  I desired that with my whole heart.  But I didn't know if I did, actually, love Him.  Little did I know that all I had to do was to ask for help.  "Jesus, help me love You.  Jesus, help me want You."  That short prayer changed me like you wouldn't believe.  

I know that it's hard to find the motivation to pray sometimes.  But you don't have to make it too complicated.  Good prayer isn't about how hard you "try," it's about just being in the presence of God, and allowing Him to do the work.  And that's where I find my motivation.  God does most of the work when I pray!  I just have to sit back and let Him work in me.  And He does!  He replenishes my energy and gives me the strength, courage, and endurance to be better.  To do the work necessary to be a holy person.  

Give Jesus the burden.  Ask Him to come to you.  And I think that you'll see that He is already there.  We are incapable of making the first move when it comes to God.  He is always there, waiting for us to respond.  So do it.  Respond.