Dating the Catholic Way - Part 4 (Integrity)

Secrets and lies never work out the way that we think they will.  Never.  And when the secret or lie involves someone we care a lot about, well, when feelings get involved, it never ends well. 

A good standard to set for yourself is that, if you have to keep something a secret, or if you have to lie about something, then you shouldn't be doing that thing.  Period.  There is no question about it.  Secrets and lies are always wrong (maybe with the exception of a surprise party...maybe).

The simple truth is that dating is supposed to lead to marriage.  And a marriage is made when two people make promises to each other.  And if your dating relationship is full of secrets and lies, well then, as they say, practice makes perfect (or as my boss would say, practice makes permanent).

"Practice doesn't make perfect.  Practice makes permanent.  Perfect practice makes perfect" ~ Richard Deanda

 

 

 

The things that you do while you are dating will be the things that you do while you are married.  Habits are hard to break.  Nearly impossible.  If you practice keeping secrets in your dating life, then you are going to continue doing so as a married person. 

I try to live my life so that I won't ever even feel the need to keep a secret or tell a lie.  I'm pretty much a coward.  I know that if I do something wrong, I am really going to struggle fessing up to it.  But if I don't, I also know that my conscience will pretty much destroy me.  It's a good way to live life, though.  It is much easier to suffer in a moment, then to give into something that I will want to keep from someone.  Either way, I'm going to suffer. 

Integrity seems like a no-brainer.  But it is something that many couples lack.  Work on honesty.  Be brave.  Do what's right.  Your life as a whole will be much better if you do. 

Dating the Catholic Way - Part 3 (All About Me)

If you subscribe to the ideas that are presented in movies, you probably think that being in a relationship means that being in a relationship is all about the way that YOU are treated.  Why?  Because that's kind of what we see in movies and TV.

Now, again, I've said it before, but the thing about movies and TV is that their primary goal is to entertain.  And it is entertaining to watch romantic comedies.  The problem comes into play when we start to think that we deserve something in a relationship.  That it's about the way that you should be treated.  Something that we have to constantly remember is that you are not entitled to a relationship with anybody. 

Don't get me wrong, you do deserve some things.  What do you deserve?  You deserve to be treated with dignity.  You deserve to be treated with respect.  You deserve to be treated with love, understanding, and kindness.  And you deserve the truth.  You are, after all, made in the image and likeness of God, and as such, you deserve to be treated like the royalty that you are.  That being said, the person you are in a relationship also deserves those things.  This is not a one-way street.

I heard somewhere that a good rule of thumb for learning if you are a loving person is to look closely at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.  We've all heard this passage 1,000 times:  love is patient.  Love is kind.  I used to get really annoyed about this passage, but I couldn't really figure out why it annoyed me so much.  I think that I came to realize that what I saw was that people thought that this was a very romantic definition of love.  That confuses me.  In fact, it is a very difficult definition of love (difficult doesn't mean false, though).  Think about it, if I were to replace the word "Love" with my own name, would this statement still be true?  That...Krissy is patient.  Krissy is kind.  Krissy does not envy, she does not boast, she is not proud.   Krissy does not dishonor others, she is not self-seeking, she is not easily angered, she keeps no record of wrongs. Krissy does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  Krissy always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Krissy never fails.Yikes!  Again, this is not a list of things that we should get, but it's a list of things that we should give.  And I'll tell you what, I can look at this list and recognize the fact that no, I am NOT a perfect example of love.  Not even close.  It really shows me where I need to do work to be a better, more loving Catholic.  

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I can't speak for men on this, but I can speak for women, that so many women feel that they have to trick men into being or staying in relationships with them.  They use threats and ultimatums.  They use guilt.  Who wants to be in a relationship that is built on trickery?  I know that when I get into a dating relationship, I want the person who I am dating to WANT to be with me.  And as hard as it may be to admit that maybe the person I care deeply about doens't feel the same way about me, I recognize that I will be much happier if I terminate that relationship, than I will be by forcing him to be with me.  That's not love.

As noble as it is to demand that our dignity be repsected, pictures like the one below are really an example of a bad relationship.  It is good to expect protection, but this "or else" mentality is really harmful in a relationship.  A relationship should be about two people giving to the relationship.  You know what that picture does NOT do?  It doesn't say what the girl should do for the man in this situation.  It doesn't say that she should protect him, too.  Women have the unique ability to protect men in very specific situations, especially in their clothing choices and their modesty.  In order for this to be an example of a healthy relationship, these things must be reciprocated.

Love is difficult, but it is also good.  Just remember that your relationship is not about you...it is about both of you.