Here's the deal: you can look at it any way you want, but when it comes down to it, friends cost a LOT. I'm not talking here about the emotional cost, or the cost of time (although, those things do cost a lot, too). I'm talking about money. Cash. Dollars and cents.
Now, I know that there are a TON of ways that you can maintain a friendship without spending a lot of money. You can do movie nights at someone's house, or game nights at someone's house, or other things at someone's house. You can go for walks and get really cheap coffee (like, not that flavorful mixed-drinks stuff, but like straight-up, coffee). But, if you are like me, where you have very little money, and others around you don't seem to have that problem, eventually your friends are going to get bored watching movies and playing games, drinking cheap coffee and going for walks. Eventually they are going to ask you to go to a concert, a movie, to go bowling or to go dancing, to go to Zoo Lights, to go get drinks, to go out to eat, to go shopping, to go to a play, etc. And your less poor friends will give you all kinds of advice about what to give up so that you can attend said event, and, while they mean well, it can come across as - well - annoying. Discouraging. Sad. Lonely. Frustrating.
Get the picture?
| Parks and Recreation "Doppelgangers" Season 6, Episode 2 |
Quite often it's not just the price of a ticket, either. Sometimes it's the price of a ticket, and then the price of parking, food and drinks at the event (which, if you don't indulge in those things, you become quite pathetic to the supposed friends who you are with), and everything else that goes along with being a social person.
To You Who Are Poor
Trust me, I know. It's not easy. But you AREN'T alone. I am incredibly responsible with my money, which, I suppose, is part of the problem. If only I could indulge without caring about what that would do to future-Krissy. Ah, future-Krissy. Sometimes I loath you.
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| Sometimes this is really hard to ACTUALLY believe. Do you fully agree with this? Talk to God about your struggle. |
Please don't hate me when I say this, but I don't really have any advice. I don't have a magic cure that will make this struggle easier. I wish I did. My point in writing this is, well, first of all, to express something that is frustrating to me, personally. But I know that I am not alone in this struggle, and I guess I want others to know that they aren't, either. It doesn't really change anything, but it does, temporarily, feel really good to be validated in that way. Someone else feels like you do. I guess you could find friends who are just as poor as you are. Not friends who also don't have much money, but who have the SAME amount of disposable income as you do. Because, while others may claim to be "poor," that term really is defined from person-to-person.
Have a list of fun things to do that are free. That way, when your friends suggest that you do something that you can't afford, you don't have to have that annoying conversation where you have to say no, and they insist, and you say no again, and they insist again, but instead, you can suggest something else that is equally fun.
Feel free to write in the comments below what you and your friends do for free that you love. We are all in this together! Let's help each other come up with ideas!
To You Who Aren't Poor But Have Poor Friends
Please be a good friend. Now, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but being a good friend does NOT mean paying for everything for your poor friend. It's actually really discouraging when I am confiding to a friend that I have no money, and they IMMEDIATELY say that they will pay for me. It makes me feel like I am mooching off of you, and that wasn't my goal. It makes me afraid to ever confide in you about this again, because I don't want you to take my words as a request for you to spend money on me. I'm not asking you to do give me stuff. That's not what I want. I want your friendship, not your money. If I really love you, and if you really love me, we don't need to go have an expensive experience to enjoy each other's company. We can do that in a free park, in our homes (that we have to pay for anyway), or in other free ways. Being my friend doesn't require that we are always BEING entertained together. It means that WE entertain EACH OTHER.
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| YOU are my treasure, not the concert. Not the restaurant. Not the movie. Not the bowling. I treasure you more than those things. Do you treasure me, too? |
Money controls a lot of our daily lives. It's something that we can't easily escape. As difficult as it may seem, have hope that God is protecting you. Miracles do happen. Friends who love you no matter how much money is in your account will appear in your life, and you can be appreciative and loving of them. God does have a plan for you. Listen carefully and you'll see. And, someday, when you have all kinds of money because you were responsible, saved what little you could, and made good choices, you can remember to thank God for your blessings, you can give to the poor and you can be a good and understanding friend to those who have less than you do!
